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The Wet Spot: Creating a sexy PSA

The Wet Spot: Creating a sexy PSA

Pop quiz: What do Pee Wee Herman, George Michael and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have in common?

Two things -- they've all been busted exposing themselves in public, and they've all filmed important public service announcements designed to reach the youth of America.

PSAs used to be the most awesome thing on television. Full of drama, suspense, and kids who learned to smoke weed by watching their parents. But these days, PSAs have lost all of their flava. Here's what I mean.

The other day I was hanging out, watching an episode of Teen Mom on MTV (not creepy) when a PSA came on, encouraging teens not to text nude pictures of themselves to their boyfriends. And it sucked huge. Let's take a look:

 
See what I mean? No celebrities, no sweet catchphrases, no cartoon ninjas. Just a creepy dude who looks kind of like my cousin Zack working at a movie theater, talking about the color of some chick's underwear.

Fortunately for anti-sexting advocates everywhere, I've managed to scour YouTube and find a few of the greatest PSAs from the past, to help teach public interest groups a thing or two about getting through to kids. Check it:

 
Oh yeah. That. Just. Happened.

This PSA has all of the elements of an educational masterpiece. The dramatic spotlight, the serious look on Pee-Wee's face and the crack. The sweet, sweet crack.

 

This is a PSA that you will undoubtedly send around to your friends, and the next time someone offers you crack, chances are you'll remember the terrifying punch line: The thrill can kill. Plus, if you can't trust Paul Reubens, who can you trust? These days, anytime I think about doing something potentially dangerous or illegal, I just think, "What would Pee-Wee do?" and I always make the right choice.


Now this PSA takes a different approach, telling kids that not only should you say no to drugs, but actually try to punk-out the drug dealers themselves. While I respect the overall concept, I have to assume that in the real world this kid would get shot in the face by that drug dealer as soon as the Ninja Turtles weren't watching his back anymore. A good message in theory, but not all that practical in the real world.

(Author's note: Really, Michelangelo? Get a pizza? That's your advice for keeping kids off of drugs? I expected more from you. Fuck yourself.)


OK, maybe it's not an "official" PSA, but it still makes me want to "Choose Life." And dance. And maybe solicit a little bathroom sex. I've completely forgotten the point of this video.

Whether or not you think that sexting is a problem in today's society (which, for the record, I do not. I've been sending pictures of my package to people for years - usually covered in glitter - and I've never felt used. Suck on that, MTV), it's important that we get back to the glory days of sexy, celebrity-fronted PSAs. Because if George Michael and Paul Reubens aren't raising our children, who is?


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