Last night, you were gleefully egging strangers' Camaros. (Not so bitchin' now, eh, monied day-trader douchebags?) Tomorrow, you can vote. The day after tomorrow, you can freak out about who everyone else voted for, nullifying your own vote five-fold. But today, why not mull over last week's music-world happenings?
There weren't any major seismic paradigm shifts, sure, but as always, stuff happened - and Gimme Noise wants to make sure that you know about it at least a few minutes before everyone else who spent the last week of October in a coma or a cave. We've got your back, and we swear, we had absolutely nothing to do with that "kick me" sign. No clue how that got there! Seriously.
[jump] Ickiness Quotient of Mariah Carey/Nick Cannon Union Raised
It's official, folks: the Carey/Cannon power-couple marriage will actually produce something besides crap television programming for children and under-appreciated R&B albums, and that something will be paraded around Hollywood in an over-priced stroller and designer Garanimals. This is all just totally weird, because Cannon - who most of you probably know as the cringe-ingly green host of America's Got
Talent Ballast - always makes me think of some hayseed college freshman who lucked into a television/film career, and Carey has all the emotional acuity of a sixth grader. And now these two people - whose continuing relationship, which appears to be in earnest and, as such, shakes my faith in the perpetuity of the human race as a species - are actually going to raise a child together? Just thinking about what they'll name the poor thing gives me the heebie-jeebies.
Swans To Bring End-Times Guitar Noise Onslaught to Entire Planet Excepting Minnesota, Bizarrely
Get your hair-shirts and eyeliner out of mothballs, book a babysitter, rock the righteous reunion slab My Father Will Guide Me Up A Rope To The Sky on boom-boxes in bus shelters, scratch your scalp bloody figuring out how you'll be able to afford to catch a stop on Swans' tour.
Trans-Siberian Orchestra To Thoroughly Gouge Pocketbooks of Your Square-Ass Older Relatives Soon, Again
Just like every year, you'll be offered free tickets, and this year? This year, you may actually say yes. You may actually find yourself salivating at the idea of a Trans-Siberian Orchestrarock opera. You may find yourself wondering when, exactly, aliens zapped your brain.
Travis McCoy Now $2,081 Further Off-Track In Unlikely Quest To Become Billionaire
Some of Your Favorite Rappers (Living or Dead) May Actually Be Moonlighting As Magicians
So says music critic Dave Segal, anyway. Our favorite is the separated-at-birth picture of Ice Cube and Johnny Depp in Willy Wonka.
The Fine Folks At WFMU Think You Need More Korean Free Jazz In Your Diet
And, as always, they're totally right. Spend an hour here and you have our permission to skip chicken dishes this week.
Krist Novoselic To Guest On New Butch Vig-produced Foo Fighters LP, Create Impossible-To-Satisfy post-Nevermind Expectations, Elicit Shrug from Ghost of Kurt Cobain
Prepare to be underwhelmed; we are.
Buying Music Digitally Suddenly Not As Hip As Being Able To Afford A Starbucks Latte
Gimme Noise just loves how, when numbers for music sales dip just a little, insiders and experts go bananas, and it's all hellfire and brimstone and shit. In this case, let's blame a still sputtering economy and call it a day, alright?