The Songs We Can't Escape

"Gone in 60 Seconds"

Okay, this freestyle goes on for almost 120 seconds, but I won't hold that against Fashawn, who's got formidable bravado and versatility for a 20-year-old MC nobody's heard of, yet. To wit: "Shawn stacks/methamphetamine, beyond crack/If I ain't on my job, then what you call that?/Anthropologist, diggin' up facts/Give me seven days, and I can resurrect rap."

"Remember Severed Head"

I've decided that, from now on, whenever anyone asks me a question I don't want to answer, I'm going to make a "serious" Captain Picard face while responding in one of two ways: "Give me a visual on the Lockness," or "Give me a peal of the softness." If doing so results in arrest or worse, I'll just blame Clues and mumble something about how the Unicorns dudes need to reform already.

"Every Bag (Remix)"

To absolutely no one's surprise, balla diva/MC mixtape rap is as (sonically) porn-site pop-up ravaged as the male variety. "Every Bag" is roughly the 1,481st flip of Young Money Entertainment's overexposed "Every Girl" to hit the web this year; points to Diamond, whose PMS mixtape is otherwise breathtakingly rote, for representing for the materialistic peroxided shopaholics out there and having fun with the whole concept of the "response song," purring about being the "shopper of the month" instead of trying to craft the sort of diss track that she isn't capable of pulling off yet anyway.

"Lindsay Brohan"

Dude, remember when Saturdays were yours? Wake up late. Lounge around in your skivvies. Leftover macaroni 'n' cheese for breakfast. Wild out on Mega Man 3 for a couple of hours before hitting the comic-book store. I bet Javelin still live that life, the fuckers.

"The Eternal Return"

Confusion gets a bum rap. There's something very freeing, sometimes, about having no idea what's going on. Like how, in "Return," it's next to impossible to say where a ripped guitar chord ends and where what sounds like extreme meteorologic electric harmonica turbulence (but maybe isn't) begins, or why a lost, wan sample of a little girl's voice keeps surfacing in the melee. I never thought I'd say it, but this makes me ecstatic that WZT Hearts broke up.

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