The Songs We Can't Escape

Gucci Mane

Gucci Mane

"I'm So Fresh"

One of the unavoidable indignities endemic to free internet rap mixtapes is "station-identification" ad-lib bullshit; it slimes the rhymes and jacked beats like cheap spray paint. Mane's knuckleheaded Hotlanta rhymes make suffering this branding worth it, even abject foolishness like "My whole crew get money, you dig me?/I'm lyin' on them 28-inch Frisbees."

"Skullfucking with Pinky & Rex"

Oh, I know—sounds like an idea for a cable-access show doomed from jump—but actually it's just some kids' cassette tale buried in blistering noise. Underground careers have been built on less, of course.

"I'm a Diva"

A little over a year ago, Niatia Kirkland was a teen-rap novelty sensation best known for boasting about her lip gloss over hyper-minimalist beats. Today, she's just another aspiring, brand-name-dropping whore like all the rest, catwalking in stilettos over what sounds like Britney's "Radar": "I rock the finest clothes/I am the newest vogue/Check out my pose."


As if there weren't enough signs of the impending apocalypse everywhere these days, here's one more. Freshman sorority pledges lacking the perfect Spring Break soundtrack could do much worse than the Bling Bling Bling! EP.


"Come on and feel alone/Come on and feel alooooooooone," Billy Corgan begs us, dispassionately, over souped-up guitar scraps. Because, you know, loneliness is throwing one's moldering songwriting might behind the resurrected caricature of a band that's past its prime. If I close my eyes and wish really hard, will this Hyundai commercial throwaway be reborn as a scratchy Nirvana demo circa 1989? Because that's the only way I'll ever force myself to listen to "F.O.L." again.