The Chicken Wang: America's newest dance thing

​Miami: home of...a lot of club nights, um...Dexter, high-quality cocaine (I'm guessing?), several iterations of the MTV Beach House, the presidency of George W. Bush (that's a stretch), and now the Chicken Wang. It's a dance, and it's fucking awesome.

The general consensus seems to be that the Chicken Wang is ROFL-y terrible, which is as good a way as any to become popular on the internets. Personally I think the Chicken Wang is rad, for these reasons: a) it's insane  b) it's super hot and porny.

Doing the Chicken Wang is easy! Squat down, pretend your legs are wangs and try to fly with them, and make your ass look like it's getting a serious dressing down by Peter North (wow). So, without further ado, THE CHICKEN WANG:

But wait! The internet has spawned so many dance-related crazes, and what better occasion to give them a canvass? So, without more further ados, THE DANCES OF THE INTERNETS.

We'll start off slow. Here's Parvo Stelar, a finely dressed man in an awesomely depressing basement, dancing his ass off.

Soulja Boy, "How to Crank That"
I'm not quite sure why you'd want to learn the Crank That, considering it's just a choreographed dance from Soulja Boy. But 45 million can't be wrong. Can they?

The Filipino Prison Dancers, "Thriller"
This is one of those internet moments that people will remember forever. "Where were you when you saw the Filipino prison Thriller routine?" Prolly on the internet.

Wolf Blitzer Does the Dougie, Assisted by Doug E. Fresh
Oh joy. Wolf Blitzer, the absolute squarest man in America (he makes John Boehner look like Ziggy Stardust), updates a classic.

Los del Rio, "Macarena"
While techinically "pre-Internet", the macarena will always warrant inclusion. A vivid memory: 6th grade, me and a friend at the YMCA for a lock in or somesuch, when the opening lines of Los Del Rio's seminal piece of work comes fading in. Seconds later we're beset by a stampede of classmates all frantically trying to find its source. That was the first time girls scared me.

Major Lazer's Guide to Daggering
Daggering could be considered similar to the Chicken Wang, actually, in that they both find inspiration in serious humping. But if this were a ski hill, Daggering would be a black diamond run and the Chicken Wang would be a bunny hill. If that isn't the least-apropos metaphor you see all day then I feel sorry for you.

Time Squid Owns Kalamazoo
And, just to add some local flavor, here's Minneapolis' own Time Squid doing an improvised dance set in Kalamazoo. While it's not a craze quite yet, that doesn't preclude it from deserving to be.