Swine flu hits the Backstreet Boys
Hello. We understand you're a Backstreet Boys fan, yes? Yes? Well, you should probably take a seat over there.
Can we offer you something? Water? A coffee? Really, it's no problem.
Well, then we'll cut to the chase. We know full well that you've set your Tivo to record the Backstreet Boys' performance on CBS' Early Show tomorrow, and that you've already staked out a spot for their signing appearance at the Hard Rock in New York City.
Well, we're afraid we have some bad news. Brian Litrell has swine flu.
Please, don't be embarrassed to cry. Were we not operating in a strictly official capacity, we too would shed tears. With Marilyn Manson's diagnosis of swine flu late last month, it's been a difficult time for us all.
The good news is that Brian Litrell is expected to recover fully. And before you ask, we can assure you that the rest of the Backstreet Boys are taking preventative measures. But we're afraid they'll have to cancel their performance AND their signing.
Go ahead. Use those tissues. They're there for a reason.
You'll be happy to know that we here at Gimme Noise are following this pandemic very closely, and, based on the calibre of stars infected thus far, we've drawn up a list of especially high risk celebs that we're putting on temporary notice. Don't you worry--Scott Stapp, Tila Tequila, and that one guy who called Lindsay Lohan "firecrotch" won't fall to the dreaded microbe. Not if we have anything to say about it.
Now, if you'll excuse us, we must make an urgent phone call to Keven Federline.
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