With only seven months until the occupying forces of Super Bowl LII take over our hapless town, it's clearly time to begin speculating wildly about who'll perform at the halftime show.
Today, Pepsi announced that it won't be Britney Spears, quashing rumors of “secret discussions” between the Britney camp and show organizers that rippled through the internet yesterday. The news sent bloggers everywhere scrambling to their keyboards to be the first to post “oops she wont do it again” and chuckle smugly.
Meanwhile, Lizzo whipped up an elaborate pitch for her own halftime extravaganze on Twitter that would have her sharing the stage with locals like Doomtree and Har Mar Superstar.
Less entertainingly, Jason Gay at the Wall Street Journal stumped for a Bob Dylan Super Bowl spectacular in that “I'm not saying, I'm just saying” way columnists do when a deadline looms. Verdict: If Lizzo doesn't get to do the halftime show, we should at least give her Gay's WSJ column.
The last time the Super Bowl was in Minneapolis, in 1992, something called “Winter Magic” happened at halftime, which involved children rapping about snowmen and featured Gloria Estefan, who is quite famously from a place where there is no winter. One thing's for sure, whatever fills the stage next February, it's got to be better than that.
Unless it's the Chainsmokers.
Since the Minneapolis City Charter makes the results of all internet polls binding, vote very carefully below.