Let's get patriotic for a second, shall we?
This past weekend, some of our country's finest young men laid it all on the line, competing in an athletic event that combines speed, coordination and finesse all in one. An event that some men spend their whole lives dreaming about winning, but only a select few will accomplish. That's right; I'm talking about the Amateur Shower Contest at Saloon in downtown Minneapolis.
Held each and every Sunday, the contest features men from all over our fine city battling it out in an erotic, aquatic clash unlike any other (go ahead, tell me that description didn't just blow your mind. Thought so). As the resident Erotic Specialist of the Universe, I felt compelled this week to do some digging and find out exactly what it takes to conquer the competition and earn the title, "Amateur Shower Contest Champion." So of course I turned to Facebook.
After a little bit of
stalking research, I tracked down last Sunday's winner, Oliver Sharp, who agreed to talk with me about the competition, his experience with amateur showering and tips for other competitors looking to follow in his footsteps.
Wet Spot: So what is the Amateur Shower Competition all about?
Oliver: What they do is set up a shower on one of the stages and people sign up for the competition that night. Then you get up for like 10 to 15 minutes and dance, and it's all judged bases on applause. Finally they narrow it down to a couple of finalists and then pick a winner.
WS: Was this past week your first time competing?
Oliver: No, I've done it a few times but this was the first time I won. It was actually kind of spur of the moment. I was drunk and just decided to go for it, but I was seriously determined to win this time and I did it.
WS: How did you first get started with the Amateur Showering?
Oliver: Well, I've always liked dancing in the shower and I went to Saloon a while back when I first moved here on a night when they were having the competition. The guy I came with actually left, so I ended up getting drunk and just decided to go for it. Plus I'm kind of an exhibitionist so what can I say?
WS: What do you think made the difference this time? What took you over the top?
Oliver: Since I hadn't planned on doing it, I didn't have any underwear on. But I work at a restaurant so I had my apron and I wore that out which I think people liked. But, you know, people want to see nudity so I just took that off as fast as I could and went for it and the crowd responded. It also helped that I knew a lot of people there this time, so they were all really supportive and cheering.
WS: Now that you've won, do you have any plans to go back and try to defend your title?
Oliver: Actually I don't think I can win again for quite a while. It's a rule that once you've won, you can't win again for a few months or something like that.
WS: Let's talk about guys who haven't ever competed before but might be interested in trying it for the first time. What kind of advice would you offer?
Oliver: If it's your first time definitely bring support with you. If you don't have a lot of friends with you, try working the crowd early to find supporters and focus on the old men first - they'll totally tip you the best. Also, you don't have to get naked if you don't want to, but I always encourage it. And, um, I don't know. Just get your clothes off and start touching yourself; the crowd will respond.
WS: Is there any advice you can offer for what NOT to do on stage?
Oliver: Um, don't try to dance like a black chick. It's not cute. Also, don't wear tighty whities, and no thongs. Just don't try too hard to act sexy and you'll be fine. Oh, and don't ejaculate.
WS: Wait a second; did you just say "don't ejaculate"?
Oliver: Yeah, it's actually a rule. You can touch yourself and you can get hard; you just can't ejaculate.
WS: So has that actually happened?
Oliver: I personally haven't seen it, but I heard that it happened a while back before I started competing in the contest.
WS: (*silent awe*)
Oliver: I wish I would have been there to see that though.
WS: This is the most amazing interview of all time. So is there anything else you can't do, other than ejaculate?
Oliver: Yeah, you aren't allowed to insert anything into your body.
WS: Seriously? That's a real rule?
Oliver: Yeah, you can't put anything in yourself.
WS: (*mind explodes*)
WS: Thank you so much for taking the time to school me on the Amateur Shower Competition. Any last words of wisdom you want to share as the defending champion for future champions?
Oliver: Just dance and have fun up there; it's fucking hot. And don't ejaculate.