Picked to Click 2012: By the numbers

Chris Bierden, Picked to Click ringer
Chris Bierden, Picked to Click ringer
Erik Hess

Well, by now you've probably all heard the news, and hopped on Twitter to express your approval and/or disdain for City Pages. (Or just yawned.) That's right: this week we unveiled the winners of Picked to Click 2012, which hit newsstands yesterday and pretty well changed our lives forever. You know, the popularity contest that local gatekeepers put on every year to promote their friends' music? The one that jinxes all those poor musicians?

Er, wait. Forget I said that last part.

All things told, though, P2C (or P2C2K12, if you're not into the whole brevity thing) is as much a chance to just have some plain old fun as it is anything else. So we could spend our time dissecting the results and figuring out what it all means -- what it really tells us about the music scene, circa 2012. Or we could, you know, pick out a few random facts from the voting and make fun of them. (Hint: that's what's about to happen.)

Chris Beirden is the real winner of P2C2K12.

We'll just take care of this elephant-in-the-room straight off the bat here. Yes, the Chalice might have their picture on the cover of the paper this week, and they might technically have been given the number one slot in the poll. No one will begrudge them this. But think about this: Chris Bierden scored 141 points, which is almost twice as many as the Chalice earned. Sure, that was thanks to two separate bands (a minor detail, really), but clearly this is grounds to reconsider how this poll is run, yes? Here's hoping Bierden starts 10 new bands in the next 12 months and they all sweep P2C2K13.

Y.N. Rich Kids got shafted!

There. I said it. The breakout stars of the year didn't even make it into the top 10, despite the best efforts of Ian Power, who valiantly voted for them in all five of his ballot slots. (I smell something fishy here. Biased media, perhaps? Can we get a recount? Can we trust this Reed Fischer guy?) Seriously. Have you seen how many views that video has on YouTube? Have you seen the dance moves? Apparently they didn't make the cut because they're just not obscure enough for our tastemakers' tastes.

Polica already "clicked."

Sorry to break it to everyone, but Polica wasn't technically eligible this year. A bunch of bull, right? But bear with me: the only real "rule" here is that a band isn't eligible if they've already been a finalist in the past -- because, as we all know, you can only click once in this crazy old world. Of course, that didn't stop a few brave souls from voting for them anyways, presumably in protest of this antiquated requirement. Special props to Polica's manager Nate Vernon, who voted them number one. (Kidding, Nate!)

The Current must be isn't brainwashing us.

Now I'm not the type to go around looking for conspiracies. But really, is it a coincidence that a handful of the same bands showed up on so many of the Current votees' ballots -- bands like the Chalice, John Mark Nelson, and Wiping Out Thousands? And that those bands all ranked high in the poll? Hmm? Sure, it could be the Current is just really plugged into the music scene. Or... something more sinister. I'm seeing a dark, smoky conference room at the beginning of the year, where they all gathered around to plan the agenda they would push on the unsuspecting masses. Don't believe the smiling faces, people; we're through the looking glass here. But, ahem, ignore the fact that we announced the results on the Current...

Incest just ain't what it used to be.

Don't get me wrong; we all know the true pièce de résistance of music in the Twin Cities: promoting the same people, over and over and over again. P2C, by rights, is the most extravagant celebration of that fact. So it's for that reason that this year's poll is even more baffling than usual: where's the incest at? Only four of the top 10 bands -- a paltry 40 percent --have members from previous P2C finalists. And, believe it or not, none of them have Martin Dosh or Andrew Broder in them. I know, right?! However, a preliminary investigation reveals that between 80 and 100 percent of the finalists may have previously been members of other bands, in general, thereby somehow proving we're still in a golden age of back-scratching.

We have nothing against Knol Tate, but he's a terrible person.

I mean, he called us a pile of shit. And if there's one thing we do well at City Pages, it's use our newspaper as a means of retaliating over petty grudges.

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