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Nicolas Cage's son is in a black metal band

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Eyes of Noctum are not happy with Hot Topic's return policy on unused fishnets.

I guess when you're a Coppola you can get away with all sorts of dumb shit. White wine in a can? No problem, Sofia! National Treasure 2? Why not, Nic!

But Weston Coppola Cage must surely be testing his family name as the founder and frontman of Eyes of Noctum, a black metal band currently on tour from Los Angeles. His father, Nicolas Cage, has made some embarrassing career choices in his day (Con Air? Ghost Rider?), but Arcane (Weston's demonic alter ego) gives Nic a little breathing room in that department.

Eyes of Noctum live, so to speak.

Some fine music has come out of black metal's clammy crypt. Cookie monster vocals aside, it's one of those rare musical subgenres where musical virtuosity is a strict pre-requisite.

But Eyes of Noctum seems more like the sort of black metal band that Harvey Weinstein would think up at Crystalaire while shotgunning ideas, and sangrias, with a few executives. In short, Eyes of Noctum looks like a passable forgery of black metal, a counterfeit that only someone over the age of 40 would accept as the genuine article.

Check out the video posted above, and try to keep a straight face. It isn't all the affected, darksider posturing that's so ridiculous, nor the blood-and-guts vocal intonations. We can even look at the spiked wristbands and white greasepaint without cracking a smile (hey, it worked for Marilyn Manson).

It's the monumental self seriousness that gets a good guffaw here-- the same sort of self seriousness that makes people laugh at LARPers who don't approach their quirks with a sense of humor. It's not so much what they're doing or how they look. It's how fervently they believe in it.

It deserves noting however that, as bad as the music is, Eyes of Noctum is a priceless masterpiece when compared to Godfather III and Jack. We hope Mr. Francis Ford takes that into account before admonishing his newphew's career decisions.