Naked Cowboy to unseat Obama, defeat the Taliban, fight multiculturalism
"Freedom-loving American" and the country's most famous skivvy-clad busker the Naked Cowboy has announced his 2012 bid for the Presidency.
Before you laugh, note the rapid and unexpected rise of the Tea Party as I point out that the Naked Cowboy has cut his hair, lost the cowboy hat, and put a suit on over his tighty whities. He may very well be our next leader.
Sing with me the Naked Cowboy Anthem as we consider this possibility.
Blast Magazine's blog first reported that Robert Burck, better known as Time Square's guitar-strumming Naked Cowboy, announced a press conference to take place in the tourist spot on Monday. Their reporter was one of only four people who showed up, and so the press conference was called off.
After taking a couple days to regroup, on Wednesday a statement officially announcing his candidacy was released, along with video of a "more well-attended" press conference (complete with totally real sounding applause and shutter clicking!). This conference, sponsored by banner and car wrap dealer KDF, outlined Naked Cowboy, er, Freedom-Loving American and college graduate! Burck's superscary conservative platform.
According to his press release:
- Naked Cowboy will balance the budget!
- Naked Cowboy will cut the capital gains tax, corporate income tax and individual income taxes!
- Naked Cowboy will relentlessly remind Americans that we are in a never-ending war against radical Islamics, and will take nothing less than the defeat of the Taliban in Afghanistan!
- Naked Cowboy will once and for all close and secure the borders of the United States to illegal immigration by erecting (haha, sorry, my word - one look at his briefs and it's all I can think of) all necessary barriers!
- Naked Cowboy will fight multiculturalism and bilingualism in public institutions and make English the universal tongue of the people!
- Naked Cowboy will remedy careless immigration policies that are allowing foreigners to infiltrate the country, taking jobs from legitimate citizens in addition to showering them with a host of unearned benefits compliments of the American Taxpayer! Sounds like he's worried Mexicans in undies bearing cheap guitars will infiltrate Times Square. Or not - he owns the franchise on that, so a Mexican in undies carrying a cheap guitar would first have to pay him $500 a month for the right.
Anyway, if for some odd reason his political career doesn't take off, perhaps in the process he can rub elbows with Sarah Palin. She might at least be able to hook him up with a guest gig on Dancing with the Stars.
As for that press conference with the totally real-sounding clapping and camera sounds sponsored by a car wrap company? I guess they're hoping for an even realer one in October - a second attempt at a Times Square conference is planned for 10/6/10.
Get the Music Newsletter
Keep your thumb on the local music scene each week with music news, trends, artist interviews and concert listings. We'll also send you special ticket offers and music deals.