Oh my. I had no idea when I decided to take all of my online dates to concerts this year how many people I would have to wade through find even one interesting person. At least none of them were as out-there -- or should I say bold -- as this guy on Craigslist looking for a mate by March to carry his baby and give birth by next winter. I wonder if he ever did find anyone.
For my first concert date, I chose "Alex" out of the list. We agreed to meet up at the Kitty Cat Klub. A friend suggested I avoid dinners initially to prevent getting stuck for hours at a table with someone unappealing, so I went home first to change after work and got a bite to eat. Alex was already at the bar by the time I arrived.
After I introduced myself, we ordered some drinks to take to a quieter corner. The rolling techno beats of Psybeams were still quite overpowering. He was tall, well-dressed, and articulate -- almost too articulate to the point of tedium.
We touched on general topics like work, school, music, and movies, and we both agreed that perhaps the Kitty Cat wasn't the best place to meet up due to the odd music. Things were going well by the time we finished our first beers, and he suggested another. I chose a lighter drink since I was driving myself home later.
I offered to pay for the round, and when I got back from the bar, Alex slapped his hands together and said, "Well, we better get this out of the way. If we're going to be together, there's a few things I need you to do." Do go on, Alex.
I'd have to:
- Dye my hair (I've been letting my hair grow out from a dye job from last July)
- Lose 15-20 pounds (I am short and apparently curvier than his past girlfriends)
- Get rid of my glasses
- Change up my wardrobe (He has great taste)
- Stop getting tattoos (I have two)
- Not wear such bright lipstick
- Wear different jewelery (I was wearing a simple necklace I designed)
- Stop going to concerts with other guys or by myself anymore
As he listed off his requirements, I tried not to laugh. I was hoping that he was joking. But he had absolutely no clue how offensive this was. He smiled at me when he finished.
Initially, I was speechless and didn't know how to react. Then I politely told him how independent I am, and explained that relationships should be a partnership rather than a dictatorship.
The date quickly deteriorated at this point, and we finished our drinks. We said our goodbyes at the door, and I hope he doesn't try to contact me again. I never expected to find the right match immediately, but I also did not expect to meet a puppet master on the first try either.
Gimme Love is a dating column with a twist and shout. Our anonymous columnist's nights out will be exclusively live shows. She'll dissect both the music and her companion.
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