Mock the Garden fest could save Minneapolis from aliens and subpar sound

Drew Ailes
Drew Ailes
Adam DeGross

Regular City Pages contributor Drew Ailes wants to save Minneapolis, and you can help him do it by attending Mock the Garden: A Celebration of Shit Culture. "It's probably the most important festival that will ever happen," he says.

On August 25, Mock the Garden will occupy the Hexagon and Memory Lanes. Benefits from the festival will be used to purchase a PA system to be used during DIY shows. And according to Ailes, known in some circles as the Henry Rollins of Minneapolis, the PA system will do more than just satiate the local punk scene's need for better sound.

The PA is going to save Minneapolis.

The Funeral and the Twilight
The Funeral and the Twilight

"The PA..." Ailes considers, "Well, what we'll actually do is play a didgeridoo into it, and it will broadcast a signal into space. And the vibrations -- I don't know if you know how space works -- but the vibrations, once they get into space, they turn into particles, and then they go back into beams, then they go into rays again, and that kind of sonic disruption will hover hopefully somewhere along the Pleiadian system. That will send a signal to the Pleiadian aliens, who will then come to our rescue and stop the Reptilians."

Once Minneapolis is safe from the sadistic tendencies of the Reptoid aliens, the PA system will kept in a punk-friendly establishment to be used by local and visiting musicians. "There are a lot of rock 'n' roll shows that are booked at very legitimate and respected venues around Minneapolis, and many of them do not have PA systems," Ailes explains. "When we're putting on our community-sponsored events, of light-jazz, easy-listening, and children's music... since we do a lot of underground community shows, we need this PA system." If enough funds are raised, Ailes plans to also purchase a generator.

The festival is the brainchild of Ailes and his friends Tom from Memory Lanes and Luke from the Hexagon. In 2007, the three were gathered below the since-shuttered and relocated Azia on Eat Street.

"It was a boxing match between the three of us, " Ailes recalls. "Each of us lost a molar. We looked down at the ground, then at the same time picked them up. Luke looked up and said, 'Where's the unity, man?' And, you know, I felt that deep in my heart. I realized, there hadn't been unity! There was a rift in the scene! And the only way that we could repair that rift was to create an event -- a free event -- so crazy, so wild, so out of control and so underground that it was at legitimate venues. "

Later, the three threw their molars into the Mississippi. Though they were detoured for some time by their devotion to their acoustic ska project, which still remains nameless, Mock the Garden has finally manifested as the free event to ignite that unity they yearn for.

Mock the Garden will feature performances from 27 artists on three stages.

Hexagon Bar: Snoggybox Schoolyard Villains Big Girl Shell Girl Despise Waveless Nightmom (Providence, RI) Weakwick Frozen Teens

Memory Lanes Old Navy Performance Fleece Stage: Leach Straight Panic Cool Dog The Grow Fangs Total Hipster Crusher (Michigan) Transitional Species Jaime Carrera Real Numbers Peter Pants

[Redacted] AKA Stage 2: Vellhouse Indulge Buzzers Agitate Hyperemesis (BC) Ex Nuns Vats The Funeral and the Twilight

Mock the Garden is Monday, August 25 at 7 p.m. FREE, 21+. RSVP.

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