Quit pretending to like musical scores on 8 track.
Look-- if we don't let it out, we'll explode or go mad, and then you won't be able to take our clear-headed panning of Eminem's Relapse seriously at all.
Making it through this sordid, wearying life can tax even the most patient, and we at Gimme Noise have always had a handicap when it came to suffering fools. So join hands, if we be friends-- Misanthropology will make amends.
Lady Gaga-- It's important to pick your battles. And when it comes to scantily clad women, too much protest can be pretty counter-intuitive. But even the leering leches in the Gimme Noise office agree: Put it on, Lady Gaga. The Fame already revealed enough of your shortcomings. Let's not chase our losses.
The new Wilco album cover-- Jesus, people. Ain't you never seen a camel in a fez before? Only in a band as bland as Wilco could such an image be counted as shocking.
Miss California-- Sure, she's a looker. So were Countess Bathory and the Bitch of Buchenwald. Opposing gay marriage? Is this what we need from our appointed officials? We're not even certain she was elected. Depose the tyrant. Rise against the crown. Viva la revolution.
Megashark vs. Giant Octopus-- Casting Lorenzo Lamas will likely prove to be the closest thing to a joke in the entire film. Really-- we've got enough bad art being made on accident. Do we have to start making it on purpose? Especially with Two and a Half Men reruns still on Fox?
Two and a Half Men-- If we hear one more girl stick up for this show on the basis of Duckie's sex appeal, we just don't know what.
Jesse Ventura's hair-- We've voted, and it's 3 to 2. Cut the skullet.
Your Fedora hat-- It makes you look like you got kicked out of a ska band.
White dreadlocks-- Nature's birth control.
Dudes who act like they wouldn't do it with Rachel Ray-- You know you would.