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Misanthropology: Miracle Whip, Magicians, and Joe Jackson

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It's been a couple weeks, dear readers. But our radio silence is most assuredly not for a lack of thngs making us pinch the bridges of our noses in an attempt to escape homicide charges. Hey. Sometimes even the most spiteful of us get busy with Mario Kart tournaments and mandatory grieving procedures for the fallen King of Pop.

Click on. Sit beside us. Join hands. If it was good enough for Freud, it's good enough for you.

Joe Jackson: There's never been a more abusive, hectoring father who more cruelly used his own son to get rich and famous. Well, besides God.

Miracle Whip acting all badass: Only in this austere Lutheran wasteland would Miracle Whip have the gall to cut a "bad boy image."

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Revealing Magic Tricks on TV: Your ruffled crimson tuxedo and riding pants are demeaning enough. Becoming a traitorous sell-out is just insult to injury.

Longboarding:  Learn a kickflip or buy some rollerblades.

Frisbee Golf: A game that marries the worst of hippies with the worst of yuppies.