Minnesota didn't produce a top 50 album or top 100 track, says Pitchfork

The critical trident of P4K stabs sad widdle MN :-(

The critical trident of P4K stabs sad widdle MN :-(

If you're to believe Twin Cities media, the local music scene is some variation/combination of booming, thriving, undeniable, transcendent, et. al. The tastemakers over at Pitchfork seem to have missed the memo, though. 

The top music website just finished rolling out its considerable parade of year-end content, and Minnesota acts are 100 percent absent from the two prime categories — 50 Best Albums and 100 Best Tracks.

That means no Lizzo, no Hippos, no Low, no Doomtree. Legacy greats like Prince, whose two shrug-worthy 2015 albums hid behind Tidal, and Bob Dylan, the greatest songwriter of all-time who decided to release Sinatra covers, were also ignored by P4K. (Update: Readers pointed out that two Minnesota metal bands — False (No. 21) and Obsequiae (No. 22) — scored some love on the 25 Best Metal Albums list; Panopticon (No. 4) has local roots.) 

Such critical indifference poses an obvious question: How loud do we have to thump our own chests from this frozen, godless prairie before you hear us, rest of the world?! It's no secret Minnesotans get most of their self-worth from landing on lists. Anyway, here are some tangential connections to bandage our flyover hearts. 

Bully (No. 93 Best Track, "I Remember"): As City Pages refuses to stop pointing out, Alicia Bognanno is totally from Rosemount

Father John Misty (No. 71 Best Track, "The Night Josh Tillman Came to Our Apartment"; No. 12 Best Album, I Love You, Honeybear): FJM tapped into the lucrative Twin Cities concert market four times this year. 

Deerhunter (No. 65 Best Track, "“Living My Life”; No. 30 Best Album, Fading Frontier): Frontman Bradford Cox once had a blog-worthy meltdown at the Cedar. 

G.L.O.S.S. (No. 61 Best Track, “G.L.O.S.S. (We're From the Future)”): We've got a far less popular band named Gloss

Sleater-Kinney (No. 41 Best Track, "“A New Wave”; No. 27 Best Album, No Cities to Love): Guitarist Carrie Brownstein cites our music journalism as some of the worst she's ever encountered (see, musicians, this isn't all about you). 

Kanye West (No. 40 Best Track, “All Day” [ft. Allan Kingdom, Theophilus London, and Paul McCartney]): Allan Kingdom is one of us! One of us!! Please let this count. This has to count. 

Grimes (Nos. 39, 17 & 7 Best Tracks, "Kill vs. Maim," “REALiTi," & “Flesh Without Blood”; No. 3 Best Album, Art Angels): The most important thing you'll read all day is this recap of Grimes' 2009 arty riverboat misadventure through Minneapolis. Potatoes! Chickens! A lack of understanding about watercraft laws! 

Janet Jackson (No. 37 Best Track, "“No Sleeep”; No. 36 Best Album, Unbreakable): Producers Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis, of course, helped shape Janet's sound at Flyte Tyme Productions in Minneapolis. Jackson, of course, was born in Gary, Indiana, which may or may not be a lot like Minneapolis. 

Adele (No. 15 Best Track, "Hello"): Semisonic's Dan Wilson used to write some of her songs, but not this one. Plus her fans who shop at Target Corp. — a rock 'n' roll Fortune 500 based out of Minneapolis, baby — cry a bunch or whatever.