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Minneapolis Comedy Death Squad Awards

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Death haunts awards shows; he writes up the roll call for the annual Academy Awards remembrance montage, he puts his icy hands on artistic credibility every year at the People's Choice Awards, and...well, not even Death bothers to attend the Golden Globes. But he'll run the whole show this Wednesday at Grumpy's Downtown as the Death Comedy Jam open mic will take a week off to make way for the inaugural Minneapolis Comedy Death Squad Awards. The Grin Reaper will not only be in attendance as local comics vote in categories ranging from "Best Comic" and "Best Joke" to "Worst Sense of Humor Offstage" and "Who Has Pot the Most Often."

The Minneapolis Comedy Death Squad (pictured above with Death, left to right: Wayne Burfeind, Chris Maddock, and Patrick Bauer) and a slew of fellow comics will hand out the awards. And the list of nominees is impressive indeed: Acme regular Brooks Robinson is nominated for Drunkest Comic, Most Brutal Comic and Most Brutal Joke (for his joke "Eating Fetus"); Joke Joint man-on-the-scene John Conroy vies for Best Newcomer and Best Joke; and Mike Brody, Scott Brady, and Andy Erikson will compete for Comic of the Year. Forget stiff smiles and polite nods extended from fellow nominees to the eventual victors; expect heckles, jibes, and hilarious hostility from the losers.

If the Academy Awards allowed for such precious moments as a group of nominees smoking outside around Grumpy's eternally-burning back patio trash fire and muttering, "I think 'Retard Pussy' really should have beaten out 'Eating Fetus, for Most Brutal Joke,'" we might actually stay up for the whole thing.

The Minneapolis Comedy Death Squad Awards, 10 p.m. Wednesday, January 14 at Grumpy's Downtown. 1111 Washington Ave. S., Minneapolis. Free, 21+.