Michele Bachmann forever memorialized in song

She probably won't be using it at her rallies, but Representative Michele Bachmann has had a new ode penned in her honor just in time for the upcoming election. Roe Pressley, a multi-talented local musician who also makes beats and DJs under the name Swee2th, wrote and recorded a sweet little acoustic country number called "An Ode to Michele Bachmann," which features the charming chorus "Oh, Michele, you can go to hell / You play this town like it's your toy, I'm embarrassed to be a Stillwater boy."

"Because I know how much City Pages loooooves Michele Bachmann, I wanted to share this original creation with you and your readers," Pressley writes. "A musical ode to my hometown's resident nutcase. Since I no longer live in her district, this is all I can do to help sink her battleship..."

An Ode to Michele Bachmann by swee2th


There's a woman that I know from the land of ice and snow
You can hear her on the TV and on the radio
Every time she flaps her mouth I think I must be in the south
Always talking about issues she don't know nothing about
She's a representative to the folks of District 6
But the only thing she's ever done is whine and scream and bitch
She's just tryin' to keep her seat and keep on suckin' at the government teat
But you know what I want her to suck? ... The bitter taste of defeat!

Oh, Michele, you can go to hell
You play this town like it's your toy, I'm embarrassed to be a Stillwater boy
Michele, you think your shit don't smell
You vote against supportin' our troops and fight against the gay rights groups

It was in the year aught-eight when I first gazed upon your face
Ramblin' on about some congressmen you wanted to investigate
You proved it ain't who's got the facts, it's who can shout more loud
Joe McCarthy, God damn his soul, he'd sure be mighty proud!

Oh, Michele, you can go to hell
Your Tea Party seems mighty gay, hanging out with stuffed animals all day
Michele, come out 'a your shell
Your Jesus might absolve your sins, but he sure wouldn't vote Republican!

You pal around with folks who spread their messages of hate
You say there's no such thing as the separation of church and state
You said you'd slit your wrists just to kill the health care bill
Well I'd rather see you slit your wrists on top of Capitol Hill

Oh, Michele, come out 'a your shell
Your family values ain't for me, I got two gay dudes in my family tree
Michele, I guess time will tell
Are the people in District Six so dumb that they'll let you serve another one?

You don't believe in evolution and I guess that that's just fine
I don't buy into organized religion most the time
But you say if schools teach Darwin, they should teach Creation, too
Your intelligent designer must have given up on you

Oh Michele, you're as dumb as a bell
That's why you won't participate in any televised debate
Michele, I guess time will tell
Is the anti-Christ alive and well? Will the Catholics really all burn in Hell?

Michele, I don't mean to yell,
But I can't support your crazy views, I don't waste my time watching Fox News
Michele, you think your shit don't smell
You're trying to start a culture war, but that ain't what I pay taxes for!

In other Bachmann-in-the-arts news, "Michele! The Musical Bachumanntary" is running through October 30 at the Minneapolis Theater Garage.

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