Man eating robots now a reality, DARPA exclaims


Don't worry, folks. They're vegetarian.

Has man learned nothing from its own crappy sci-fi nightmares?

It might not be music news. But Gimme Noise will always set aside bandwidth to warn its readers of the robot apocalypse. So here's the deal-- it's called the EATR project. And in its current infancy, the idea is to create a robot that can forage for its own food sources, rendering it infinitely autonomous. Alright, the headline is misleading-- sources insist that the current models are strictly veggie.

But the march of time and technology is inexorable. So a hearty thanks, military leaders, for effectively turning all of humanity into a fuel source for our future mechanical overlords.

We have to give a nod to the insistence from powers that be that, currently, the EATR robot designs are strict herbivores. Quoth Robotic Technology Incorporated in a press release:

"Despite the far-reaching reports that this includes "human bodies," the public can be assured that the engine Cyclone (Cyclone Power Technologies Inc.) has developed to power the EATR runs on fuel no scarier than twigs, grass clippings and wood chips -- small, plant-based items for which RTI's robotic technology is designed to forage. Desecration of the dead is a war crime under Article 15 of the Geneva Conventions, and is certainly not something sanctioned by DARPA, Cyclone or RTI."

Mm hm. How reassuring. "Robotic Technology Incorporated?" Does anyone else find that banal, corporate moniker to be more than a little alarming? Smacks of Omnicorps, or Umbrella a bit, doesn't it?

We were about to wonder aloud whether or not the good people at DARPA and RTI had bothered to watch the Matrix trilogy through to the end, before realizing that, in honesty, we couldn't make it through The Matrix Reloaded either, so they can't be blamed for not learning the lessons administered by the Wachowski brothers.

So here's a tip for RTI, who no doubt is hard at work on a biofurnace designed to run only on the laser-charred remains of human corpses-- google SkyNet, get yourselves a company Netflix account, and spend some quality time with the Terminator series. Then assure us that the EATR runs only on twigs and leaves.