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Kurt Cobain: The Ouija Interview

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According to VH1, Kurt Cobain's suicide was the second most shocking moment in rock and roll history. But VH1 also gives Christopher Knight and Flavor Flav a weekly paycheck, so their acumen is questionable at best. Nonetheless, one pull of a trigger on an April evening in 1994 sent the momentarily enfranchised right back to being the perpetually disenfranchised, and suddenly all those red flannels and hemp necklaces felt like a cruel joke foisted on the national youth.

His legacy is beyond reproach-- with only his wit and his can-do attitude, he single-handedly inspired such luminaries as Monster Magnet, Silverchair and Seven Mary Three. But what has he done for us lately? The Cobain camp has been suspiciously mum for well over a decade now. Not one peep from the Man Without a Face. So now, in our endless quest to plunder every sacred crypt from Cape Cod to the Congo, armed only with a plastic plechette and a taste for the demonstrable, Gimme Noise proudly presents Kurt Cobain: The Ouija Interview. 

Gimme Noise: Is this--

Ouija Board: HELLO

GN: I'll start, thank you.

Kurt Cobain: (no response)

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GN: Did you invent unbuttoned flannel shirts?

KC: YES

GN: I knew it.

KC: YES

GN: What else did you invent?

KC: BLEACH

GN: The solvent or the album?

KC: (no response)

GN: I'm familiar with your work.

KC: NOW

GN: Now what? Listen to it?

KC: YES

GN: I don't own it.

KC: NOW COMPUT

GN: I'll download it, if that's what you mean.

KC: YES

GN: Soulseek is really slow. While it's downloading, I'll--

KC: ITUNES

GN: (no response)

KC: ITUNES

GN: Always the dollars with you.

KC: (no response)

GN: (sigh) Fine. But you'd better answer my next--

KC: GET IT YET

GN: iTunes is slow too. When you got to heaven, was your face waiting for you?

KC: (no response)

GN: I've always been curious.

KC: NO

GN: Bummer.

KC: (no response)

GN: Keeping tabs on Courtney?

KC: (no response)

GN: The dog in this room just farted. Was that you?

KC: YES

GN: My thoughts exactly. What's the deal with her?

KC: DAD ISSUES

GN: Typical. So, can you fuck with the living?

KC: YES

GN: Can you tell Dave Grohl to take five?

KC: NO

GN: Can you do anything about Silverchair?

KC: NO

GN: But you can fuck with the living, right?

KC: YES

GN: What's Shannon Hoon up to?

KC: FUCK

GN: You remind me a lot of GG Allin. Anyone ever told you that?

KC: (no response)

GN: I'm just trying to fill space here, Kurt.

KC: (no response)

GN: Ok. Bleach just finished downlo--

KC: GOODBYE