Picture Kid Rock.
(Hint: He's in the photo above that sentence.)
How many thoughts go through your head before you arrive at this one?
"I would like to buy a shirt from this man."
At least a few, right? Kid's hoping that's not enough to stand in the way of the rockin' new T-shirt he's selling on his official brand website. The shirt's based on a meme image of Rock wearing a shirt that he did not, at the time, actually own.
The shirt is politically themed, and harshly makes fun of every state that did not vote for Donald Trump in the 2016 election. First, for the myth that inspired the marketing.
(BREAKING: People are making Kid Rock memes on the internet in 2016.)
(BREAKING UPDATE: They are using MS Paint to do it, looks like.)
This image was widely circulated among people who love both Kid Rock and Donald Trump, two groups of Americans represented by the following Venn diagram.
Alas, it wasn't real: In the authentic image, Rock is wearing a simple black T-shirt, one that Snopes discovered handily lends itself to photoshopping in pro-Trump messages. One of them is a joke about how all of Trump's "haters" are being forced to perform oral sex on him.
Unashamed of this episode of false attribution of shirt-wearing, Mr. Rock is instead capitalizing on the meme. His website has started selling shirts that label Minnesota, Illinois, California, New York, Massachussets, and 15 other states that voted for Hillary Clinton as "DUMBFUCKISTAN." The shirt retails for $24.99; order by Wednesday, December 7 to guarantee delivery in time for Christmas, if that's the kind of Christmas you're having in 2016.
It's a little unclear what message the shirt sends. Does it mean that the 2.27 million people in -- to pick one at random -- Mr. Rock's home state of Michigan who voted for Clinton are also living in Dumbfuckistan? Or are they incorporated into the United States of America merely by dint of the Electoral College? What would Alexander Hamilton make of this obscene gerrymandering?
Do the people of Dumbfuckistan get to elect a separate Congress? What's our national anthem? (Probably something dumb.)
We could take this moment to make the point that states which vote reliably Democratic tend to get a lot less, per vote, out of the Electoral College, while states that reliably vote Republican tend to get a lot more, per person, out of federal aid programs. A recent review of such statistics found Minnesota ranked No. 2 on the "most shortchanged" states in America.
But we won't. Now is no time to be making enemies. Not in a young country unsure of its borders, and bordered by a potentially hostile world power.
We the people of Dumbfuckistan, in order to form a more perfect union based on a real T-shirt based on a fake T-shirt, to promote the general welfare of a rap-rocker who will cash in on any form of political pandering, and to secure the blessings of liberty granted us by our neighbor the real 'Murican United States, do ordain and establish the Constitution of Dumbfuckistan.
God bless it.