Justin Bieber, Punk'd 2.0 host? Pros & Cons
Sometime after immortalizing Gen Y idiocy in That 70's Show and Dude, Where's My Car? and sometime prior to re-branding himself as a Nikon pitchman, Ashton Kutcher executive-produced and hosted an MTV show called Punk'd where he orchestrated over-the-top pranks, usually at the expense of other bold-faced names.
It was the sort of thing that was only fun if you had a People magazine subscription, Jackass wasn't on, and you couldn't remember a time when MTV played music videos constantly -- but it beat the fuck outta sitting Real World marathons. (Pretty much the only satisfying aspect of Punk'd is scrolling through the program's Wikipedia page and discovering that it was responsible for ruining some otherwise cushy, charmed lives.)
Now comes word that plans are afoot to reanimate Punk'd with helmet-haired teen heartthrob Justin Bieber in the host's seat. This strikes Gimme Noise as a great idea and a horrible idea for several reasons.
Four Reasons Why Justin Bieber Hosting Punk'd is Smart
1. Because I don't care who you are or what indignities Bieber and the Punk'd staff subject you to: Mssr. My World is so damned cute and cuddly that it'll be impossible to get mad at him or punch his lights out.
2. Because you can only be a rakish, cougar-bait dreamboat for a couple years -- then, suddenly, you're old and unexceptional like everybody else. (Just ask Hanson.) Punk'd makes for a slick exit strategy and (probably) a seamless transition to big acting paychecks.
3. Because it would create a captive audience for future Bieber singles.
4. Because wouldn't you just kill to watch jailbait strippers interrupt The-Dream and his baby mama during dinner?
Four Reasons Why Justin Bieber Hosting Punk'd is Dumb
1. Because a lot of famous people are psychotic -- like, Sean Penn psychotic -- and at least a few of them will want to smash Bieber's face in.
2. Because Bieber doesn't possess the sort of devious-yet-endearing, telegenic mischievousness Kutcher still exudes so well, even now, and because of this it may be difficult for viewers to care when he's on the verge of flooding Katy Perry's dressing room with 3,000 rubber snakes.
3. Because there's the very palpable risk of hosting a show like this turning Bieber into a walking punch line before his career as an entertainer can really take flight. A year is an eternity in show business, and the more a celeb dabbles and dilly-dallies, the less seriously the public is likely to that that person overall. Case-in-point: does anybody really expect a third Justin Timberlake solo album at this point? Are you psyched for him to carry a major Hollywood movie franchise?
4. Because filming pre-money shot scenes involving Bieber will prove well neigh impossible, as hordes of lovesick preteen girls bum-rush him whenever he's exposed to the open air.
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