Just how small are these rappers with ‘Lil’ in their names anyway?

Lil Wayne & Lil Tay

Lil Wayne & Lil Tay Associated Press/Instagram

Sometimes you have to admire the sheer audacity of the modern internet.

Take, for instance, this May post from iHeartRadio, which I ran across while conducting some very important online research earlier this week: “Rappers Whose Names Begin With 'Lil.'”

The post contains: 1) a short intro that helpfully restates the premise (“Have you ever noticed just how many rappers’ stage names start off with ‘Lil’?”); 2) a list of rappers whose names begin with “Lil”; and 3) their photos. (I wish they'd omitted the pics, which somewhat dilute the purity of the clickbaitery.)

“Rappers Whose Names Begin With 'Lil'” is the latest masterwork of Rose Wythe, the author of such blog posts as “33 Facts You Didn't Know About The 2018 iHeartRadio Wango Tango Lineup” (how dare you assume what I do and do not know about the 2018 iHeartRadio Wango Tango Lineup, Ms. Wythe) and “20 Hot Celeb Dads To Thirst Over This Father's Day” (which includes former One Direction member Louis Tomlinson, even though we all know his alleged “child” was been proven to be a FAKE —how does it feel to thirst over a fraud, Rose?!?!?!).

True, the post is not utterly useless. As my friend Chris O’Leary noted on Twitter, “This is actually helpful for crosswords, which have really been into the ‘Lil ____ (rapper)’ clues lately.”

Here at City Pages, of course, we would never stoop to arrant clickbait like that. (Well, not specifically like that, anyway.) We insist on “value added” bloggery. Some might even call it journalism. And so, in honor of Lil Xan's appearance at Myth tonight, we launched a Special City Pages Investigation using state-on-the-art online research tools to determine just how lil these “Lil” rappers were.

Below are 20 (that’s a nice round number, 20) prominent “Lil” rappers, ranked by height. I can’t say I’m thrilled with all of these results—I’m 5′ 5″ on a good day, so I question the lil-eality of even the 5′ 7″s among this list. But if, like me, you enjoy learning unnecessary new information, scroll down and allow small, impermanent memory creases to appear in your brain.

Lil Flip – 6′ 1″

Lil Peep – 6′ 1″ *

Lil Durk – 5′ 11″

Lil Romeo – 5′ 11″ **

Lil Scrappy – 5′ 10″

Lil Yachty – 5′ 10″

Lil Dicky – 5′ 9 3/4″ ***

Lil B – 5′ 7″

Lil Bow Wow – 5′ 7″ **

Lil Pump – 5′ 7″

Lil Skies – 5′ 7″

Lil Boosie – 5′ 6″ **

Lil Jon – 5′ 6″

Lil Xan – 5′ 6″

Lil Wayne – 5′ 5″

Lil Debbie – 5′ 4″

Lil Uzi Vert – 5′ 4″

Lil Mama – 5′ 3″

Lil Kim – 4′ 11″

Lil Tay – 4′ 9″****

* Official autopsy figure, though he claimed to be 6′ 3″

** No longer goes by this name

*** Has claimed to be 5′ 11″ on Twitter, sucks

**** OK, not really a rapper