Joan Jett, Cyndi Lauper, and Debbie Harry become Barbie Dolls


Back in August, Mattel announced that they'd be introducing a "Ladies of the 80s" line of dolls, a collection of 80s rockers molded in the plastic, homogeneous image of Barbie.

And now, they've released the hellish images of its poor, unwitting subjects--Joan Jett, Cyndi Lauper, and Blondie's Debbie Harry. Head below the jump for a look at these unholy countenances.

There's a phrase in robotics called "the uncanny valley." It's a term used to describe androids of such close human resemblance that it evokes a sense of disgust in the viewer--that the slight discrepancies between a humanoid and a human result in an alien sense of revulsion. Looking upon the frozen, plastic features of these rock goddesses, it's precisely what we feel.

It's also a strange intersection of competing politics--all three women are noted for their endorsement of, participation in, or appropriation by the queer community (Cyndi Lauper is a regular guest at Gay Pride concerts, Jett is a lesbian, and Harry is a noted icon of gay culture).

Barbie, on the other hand, is the manifestation of war-era femininity that prizes the homemaker and the housewife, the materialistic, impossibly curved avatar of womanhood that was burned in effigy by second wave feminists.

Which, essentially, means that everyone has a price, and that Mattel must have paid a pretty penny. I think we can all agree that G.I. Joe figures would have been a cooler and more appropriate line for these XX ass kickers.