Jesus to make guest appearance on MTV

The music channel finds God; heavy-metal band Lamb of God loses its shit

The network that once brought you Boy George and George Michael, and has since become a showcase for frat boys and self-described "future MILFs" attempting to spew more vomit than an elephant, has recently seen the light. And it looks a lot like Jesus Christ in the form of beaucoup bucks from Christian-music labels and "family-friendly" advertisers.

According to an "insider," (we're so Us Weekly!) MTV is planning to dedicate part of its schedule to Christian-music programming. While this means the music channel will start airing videos again (sweet dreams, Meet the Barkers!), it also means dudes who look like Aaron Carter after a whirlwind trip to Hot Topic will have their nightly prayers answered by getting sandwiched between the spoiled rich girls of My Super Sweet 16 and a brawny and emasculated Nick Lachey. (He's the Jamaican hard dough in the fantasy mix.)

For the money-grubbing and power-hungry execs at MTV ready to jump on the bandwagon with the rest of the entertainment industry, Christian-themed programming makes sense: Christian albums accounted for almost 45 million of the 666 million albums sold in 2004. Plus, with the Rapture Index at 147, they might be looking for a way to keep those high-priced Bruno Maglis from melting to their feet like Saran Wrap. And if you've caught two seconds of any of the numerous MTV award shows, you know from the "thank you" speeches that the Lord spends his entire days watching over MTV with a hawk's eye.

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