Karl-Anthony Towns is alive and well.
This is no small matter. Towns, just 23 and already a two-time NBA All Star, was in a major car accident late last week. A team strength coach was driving Towns down I-35W in Minneapolis, and was forced to swerve suddenly to avoid an accident... only to be smashed into from behind... by a semi-truck! Yikes.
The fact Towns not only survived this accident but is already back on the court and kicking ass is pretty impressive. The only thing that could make it better, cooler, is the fact former rap "star" Ja Rule tried cursing the Timberwolves franchise... only to see the team's brilliant and lovable young center bounce back from a near-death experience.
Here's how it went down: Ja was booked to play halftime at a Milwaukee Bucks game.
Why? We don't know, and it doesn't look like the Bucks players knew (or cared) either, as Deadspin noted in the most tongue-scorchingly acidic way imaginable. This same apathy for Ja's rhymes was also pretty apparent from Bucks fans.
The Bucks started warming up during Ja Rule’s halftime performance �� pic.twitter.com/WyoTWiHrGW— UPROXX (@UPROXX) February 24, 2019
[Watch the above video with the sound off. Giannis is too good to have to play his game set to Ja Rule's songs -- even during the warm-up.]
The Timberwolves' Twitter account chose to follow up on this moment with a joke. Ja did not take this attempt at humor lightly.
You just jinx yourself talking to the GOD this way... your CURSED NOW!!! You won’t win a championship for the next 30 years... AND KAT IS LEAVING!!! Apologize and I’ll lift the CURSE!!! �� kiss of death... https://t.co/RzUn4vKx2Y— Ja Rule (@Ruleyork) February 24, 2019
[Note: Joke's on you Ja, the Timberwolves were already cursed for 30 years... but it was the past 30 years. This current version looks like it could be good someday, and KAT seems to like it here, in spite of our icy and sometimes dangerous roads.]
Karl-Anthony Towns told reporters Monday he figures he had about a "5 percent" chance of surviving a crash like that, and that he "probably should not have made it out like I did," according to ESPN.
We at City Pages are relieved as hell that this isn't a Karl-Anthony Towns obituary, and is instead a story about what our charming young basketball star did last night. In short: a monster game against the Sacramento Kings, whom the Timberwolves beat 112-105.
Towns celebrated being 1) alive and 2) really good at basketball by hanging 34 points, 21 rebounds, and 5 assists on the Kings; this took the Wolves' friendly young center only 31 minutes.
He also broke out for this cool windmill dunk:
And this "LOOK OUT BELOW!" putback, which inspired the Timberwolves' (Ja Rule-approved) Twitter account to invoke peak Miley Cyrus:
�� HE CAME IN LIKE A WRECKKKINNNNNG BALLL �� pic.twitter.com/UnL5O1rVeQ— Timberwolves (@Timberwolves) February 26, 2019
Please pick your sides in this, the least necessary beef of the 2018-19 season. Are you team Ja Rule? (Is anyone? Please don't ask Ja's friends, family, Ashanti, or Jennifer Lopez this question. We're afraid even they aren't fans of his music anymore.)
Or are you team Karl-Anthony Towns? Better be, if you care about sports in this frozen little city. The exuberant young talent looks like the future of this franchise, and dodged a semi truck-shaped bullet last week while enduring yet another merciless Minnesota winter.
For the record, the only thing worse than Ja Rule putting a hex on you would be paying him to rap for you.