Before a couple of weeks ago, I had never been the kind of drunk where I listened to every Avril Lavigne song. Lavigne’s 2000 album Let Go was one of the first CDs I owned. I received it alongside a Radio Disney Jams album and Hilary Duff’s Metamorphosis, but of the trio, Avril definitely had the most impact on Lil John.
By that I mean young me, not crunk-advocating rapper Lil Jon, because I know little to nothing about their relationship, or if they even know each other. But, I will tell you this when it comes to my girl Avril’s relationships: I’m a huge fan of Drake. It’s even gotten to the point where I listen to him when I’m sober.
I’ve been thinking about him even more than usual this week because I’m hyped for Drake Nite 2, an all-night dance party devoted to the rap superstar at First Avenue this Friday. And, after re-listening to Avril’s discography, I can say with absolute certainty that her and Drake are meant to be. As with everything in this post-9/11 world, it all comes back to Lavigne’s seminal hit "Sk8er Boi."
In it, Avril sings of a girl who laments her decision of not sticking it through with the eponymous skater boy, and instead gets pregnant and tied-down with somebody else at a young age before the skater’s skills had matured into financially viable entertainment.
He wasn't good enough for her / Now he's a superstar / Slammin' on his guitar / Does your pretty face see what he's worth?
— Avril Lavigne’s "Sk8er Boi"
Avril is basically saying here that this girl’s a dummy, and kind of a horrible person who thought she was better than this guy just because she was good looking. That critique of her agency is pretty problematic, and it continues throughout the entire song, and in fact a very similar, almost note for note version of that critique can be found in a much more recent hit single:
Ever since I left the city, you, you, you / You and me we just don't get along / You make me feel like I did you wrong / Going places where you don't belong
— Drake’s "Hotline Bling"See, Avril empathizes with the guy who couldn’t lock down the love of his life before his career took off to the point where her best song — I would call Lavigne’s discography wide, but not deep — is about that empathy. And Drake is that guy, and he obviously needs some support. Who better than fellow Canadian pop icon Avril Lavigne?
The similarities don’t stop there. Neither of them are married to Nickelback’s Chad Kroeger. They are both at least half white. And, most importantly, all four of their eyes are infinite wells of sorrow. And that’s saying something considering they both have enough money to buy each other sex doll recreations of themselves that don’t look creepy for when they’re out on tour and can’t see each other.
Call your legislators! Get Drake and Lavigne here on the same weekend and we can not only bring them together, but create a new tourist attraction wherever they first kiss: The Spot Where True Love Found a Way.
Drake Nite 2
With: Greenery and DJ Bach
When: 10 p.m., Fri. December 4
Where: 7th Street Entry
Tickets: $7-$10; more info here.