Heidi Newfield and Hot Roxx to cover the best and worst of country

Shout-outs ain't only for hip-hop and all-staff meetings at work. "I'd like to give a shout-out to Annie, in Purchasing, for creating a new spreadsheet detailing paper product prices."

Hollerin' at your homeys. Sayin' howdy to your peeps.

Pardon me, pardners, let's forget I said either of those things. That was really dumb. Anyway, the notion of making mention of your comrades has been a part of country music for as long as folks have been singing about their dogs and pickup trucks.

Waylon Jennings laments the state of the Nashville scene when he wonders if Hank done it this way and Alan Jackson checks to see if Hank's turning over in his grave in "Midnight in Montgomery." Hank Williams, Jr. laments that George Jones is getting straight, Waylon's staying in and Kris Kristofferson's moved off to LA to become an actor in "All my Rowdy Friends (Have Settled Down)." David Allan Coe recognizes his contemporaries Waylon, Merle and Charlie Pride when lamenting the fact that his lady never calls him by his name.

You can catch this past year's biggest country shout-out at the Cabooze tonight where Heidi Newfield will likely perform her hit "Johnny and June," a song in which she longs for a relationship the likes of which was experienced by these two.

Hank Williams, Jr.

Hank Williams, Jr.

Sure, one begun with an extra-marital affair with a few drug and alcohol abuse highlights. I s'pose I can get behind that. They were a romantic pair, no doubt, and you'll hear Newfield tell of this romance (and if her performance matches the one I caught at the county fair in August, also her previous hit with the now-defunct band Trick Pony, a cover of Bonnie Tyler's "It's a Heartache"), $18/22, 8:00 door.

If you prefer your country old and on the cheap, come holler at me tonight at Clubhouse Jäger where I'll be guest DJing with Hot Roxx, which has for the evening temporarily changed its tagline at my honky behest to "The best and worst of '70s country and beyond." I'll be playing a little Tammy. A little Loretta. And a little Tanya Tucker and Glen Campbell back-to-back in honor of their special love--the one in which he knocked her pretty li'l teeth out. Shoot. Maybe Heidi Newfield will help me write a song about that one. We'll be down there around 10 and until close. I'm bustin' out my Gene Autry knock-offs for the occasion.

Because I so long to win over your hearts, country music fence-sitters, I'll present to you a third option to hear some good country over the next week, though I'm gonna warn ya it's far inferior to the first two. George Jones will be performing on Letterman on 9/9 and on Jimmy Fallon on 9/11. So you can sit on your ass at home if you so choose. Jones is performing as part of this week's release of his new album, A Collection of My Best Recollection, available exclusively at Cracker Barrel stores. Cracker Barrel. Uh huh. I mean, hell yeah! Cracker Barrel!

His ex is doing a little better than Cracker Barrel this year. News just came out that Tammy Wynette will be among the 2009 inductees to the Nashville Songwriters Hall of Fame. Heidi Newfield take note--I'd like for you to help me compose a third ode to country love, this one featuring George drunk on his riding lawnmower, and Tammy laughing up thar in heaven while she's honored among Nashville's best and George is eating processed cheese. There's some karma for you. Or not. She's dead, he ain't. Whatever.

And on a somewhat related note--this is for the pretty blonde ladies. Or those willing to don wigs. And for the men willing to don wigs, clearly. Particularly any of y'all who fantasize about what'd be like for a Rhinestone Cowboy to knock your chompers out. Tanya Tucker's record label Saguaro Road is sponsoring a Tucker look-alike contest in celebration of her new CD, My Turn, a collection of country hits originally performed by men. Her ex-Rhinestone Cowboy isn't included in the collection, dammit. Woulda loved to hear her cover "Gentle on My Mind." You can either upload your photo by the 9/20 deadline, or come into Jäger in your get-up and I'll buy you a shot. Two if you're a man covering Tanya.

Here's a distraction to shake you from visions of yourself in drag: Wanna know what it's like to drink with Blake Shelton? Check out his Twitter @blakeshelton, where he's been picking on PETA, frequently ending his @officialpeta tweets in "dipshits."

Some highlights (his responses in bold, for those of you who, like me, are Twitterilliterate):

We don't believe in hunting- anyone or anything! (via @officialpeta) Me either!! That's why I use bait to make deer come to me!!!!! Meat!!

Stats Confirm It: Meat causes impotence: (via @officialpeta) Well... Do I have a surprise for you?! Have seat here.....

U hear? @JennaJameson says McDonald's mistreatment of chickens is foul.(via @officialpeta) Hey nimrod! She eats more meat than Ted Nugent!

Animal testing breaks hearts! (via @officialpeta) Yeah! And bow hunting breaks there lungs!!! Goodmorning dipshits.....9:32 AM Aug 20th from Tweetie

Fish are our friends not our food. Sea Kittens have feelings too(via @officialpeta) Now I have a craving for fried catfish.... Dipshits..

There's a lot of science to PETA's argument for better welfare. (via @officialpeta) Yeah!.. It starts with dip and ends with shit....

Forgive him his grammatical errors. He often makes mention of his drinking as well.

Oh man.... I thought that seemed uncomfortable. That's not my pillow.. It's an empty Bacardi bottle!!!!

Heidi Newfield

Heidi Newfield

He's like my alkie ex-boyfriend; his arguments don't always make much sense, but he's strangely charming nonetheless. In an "I can't believe you don't get punched in the face more often" sorta way.