Atlanta rapper and regular prison guest Gucci Mane is damn near ubiquitous now, releasing a silly number of mixtapes per year and guesting on everything he can fit into his schedule while he's out of jail (at least until the Georgia Corrections Department gets some new studio equipment). So, in preparation for Mr. Zone 6's appearance with Waka Flocka Flame at Epic on April 3, we're doing a little digging into what makes the guy tick.
The more we learn about Gucci, the more we suspect he subsists entirely on weed, sweat wrung from horribly overworked strippers, and bottles upon bottles of crazy pills, which have to account for at least half of Gucci's diet. Here's the evidence:[jump] 5. Gucci and his big-bottomed boo make headlines
While we can't condone the gallons of haterade that whoever made this video was obviously guzzling, it sheds a little light on what everyday life is like for Radric Davis. He doesn't like being touched by masseuses, blatantly ignores the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" guidelines, and blows his cash on rides and rims for his lady/interpreter. Then again, Gucci doesn't have to speak well; he communicates entirely in Cash, which is understood by business proprietors the world over. But lest you think that he dropped dollars to get his girlfriend Buffie The Body some sizable ass implants, those planetoids are apparently all natural.
Ah, the old "I'm too insane to go to jail" trick. Classic. Nevermind that Gucci's been incarcerated so many times that he's now considered something of a snowbird (summers spent in the heat of Atlanta, winters spent in the cozy confines of the state pen). When a traffic stop turned ugly and threatened to land Mr. Davis back in his favorite (but rather restrictive) resort, his lawyers argued that he's too mentally ill to stand trial. We just think it's because those orange jumpsuits clash with his pinky ring. Also, the King of Diamonds is all the way across town from prison, and that's just inconsiderate.
3. Gucci says he's so famous, he can't go outside
Where most other rappers get pulled over for drunk driving, reckless endangerment, or billowing clouds of blunt smoke, Gucci gets pulled over because the cop wants to see the inside of his Ferrari. True, he's probably been pulled over for those other things too, but can't a dude roll around in his whip without the police dripping drool all over his ride? The way Gucci makes it seem, he can't even live his life without his fame holding him up, so maybe the nice thing to do would have been to take him back to jail, where at least his notoriety would earn him the distinct privilege of not being sexually assaulted.
Roughly 5% of the American population has a reality show now, and if housewives, guidos, and despicable teen princesses can have one, why not Gucci and Waka? We imagine that every season would end in Gucci being carted back to jail (kind of like Trailer Park Boys), and his impending release would herald a new run of shows. Maybe that's too much to ask for. Still, with a history of murder and drug charges, probations constantly being violated, and a constantly alternating mix of clear and unintelligible cursing, what's left to put on the air? Weed naps? Oh, right. Tea with grandma.
You've probably seen this before, but it bears repeating mostly for the subject matter of the tattoo. While Lil' Wayne has that crack in his skull and the calligraphy on his eyelids that read "Fear of God," Gucci gets a triple-scoop ice cream cone that reads, "Brrr." While getting a tattoo on your face does pretty much scream "tough," there's no word yet if getting balloons, unicorns or cotton candy permanently inked on your cheek lessens the effect. We're hoping there's a giant back piece of Gucci astride a pony at the fair that reads "Ride or Die" in the works. Fingers crossed!