gecs, ranked

I'm into 100 gecs, I ain't into makin' love

I'm into 100 gecs, I ain't into makin' love Facebook

100 gecs exist to make me feel obsolete.

1000 gecs was 2019’s most gobsmacking record, with Dylan Brady and Laura Les creating a savage genre melange that most parents would indignantly describe as “all that fuckin’ noise.”

A man of 31 who’s spent his career understanding music pretty good, I thought “I’ll get this” the first time I played 1000 gecs. Instantly, I was reduced to a slackjawed Gabriel Gundacker bit. “I love hearing this,” I thought, an inexplicable whirr of noises overriding my fully formed adult amygdala. 

With Brady and Les in town this week to soup-ify tricenarian brains, playing a sold-out all-ages show at the Fine Line, the chaos of their sonic void is calling me stronger than ever. I feel the dadly instinct to re-engage and make sense of it all. To categorize. Yes, fellow youths, to rank. All 100 of the gecs.

100. Crazy Frog gec
“xXXi_wud_nvrstøp_ÜXXx” would’ve dominated the Swedish ringtone market in 2005. RIP Jamster.

99. Vape tricks on TikTok gec
I shudder to think how many teens have blown clouds while the lyrics "I might hit the weed, I might hit the boo-oof" play in the background.

98. Alvin and the Chipmunks gec
Sometimes the Auto-Tune goes too far, and Les ends up rapping like an animated rodent, like when you fast-forward a cassette while it’s still playing. 

97. Weed Eater gec 

96. Rural strip club gec

95. Stadium rock gec

94. Prank TV gec

93. Face tattoo gec

92. Dubstep dystopia gec
The world was supposed to end on the day I graduated college. It didn't, not in any material way, and many things from that era survive until today. Including, somehow, dubstep.

91. Quiznos commercial gec

90. Checkered Vans gec

89. Calling weed “dope” gec

88. Marilyn Manson gec

87. Jeans while snowboarding gec

86. Suburban gas station gec

85. MySpace gec
One second you’re trying to creep on a girl with a septum piercing and anime hair, the next a highlighter-pink screen is blasting Blood Brothers with no pause button anywhere on the page.

84. Spiderweb elbow tattoo gec
Who started this?

83. What is a Juul gec

82. Is it tobacco or weed gec

81. Googles “vapes exploding” gec

80. “White Iverson” gec

79. Bootleg anime VHS gec

78. Nickelodeon alarm clock gec

77. Gym Class Heroes gec

76. Halo 3 gec

75. Used rollerblades gec

74. Backyard wrestling gec

73. Baltimore diner at 2 a.m. gec

72. Arby ‘n’ the Chief gec
Perhaps the most obscure on this list of bygone pop culture allusions, but the text-to-speech bot on “Gecgecgec” is a dead ringer for Microsoft Sam, the voice of Master Chief in this seminal Halo 2 machinima. L33T.

71. Mall goth gec
Hot Topic was more expensive than Abercrombie, but former preteen dark souls like myself aren’t ready to admit that it made us worse than preps. Run that take in Hit Parader.

70. Taco Bell gec

69. The sex number gec

68. Safdie brothers gec

67. Harmony Korine gec

66. Daft Punk gec

65. The Sounds of Animals Fighting gec
In 2004, members of Rx Bandits, Circa Survive, Chiodos, and a bunch of scene bands stitched together a weird-ass side project that sounded like it was made by accident. A lot of 1000 gecs sounds that way too.

64. eBaum's World gec
I used to play a game on eBaum’s where you shot torpedos at porpoises and watched them blow up. If you hit a mermaid, she would moan orgasmically. 

63. Gec gec

62. Gec gec gec

61. Gec gec gec gec

60. Gec gec gec gec gec

59. You get the point gec

58. Magic shop gec
Read this fascinating piece, then remember that magicians are creepy and try way too hard.

57. Postal Service gec
Brady and Les started their collaboration online, trading files across the country. Much like Jimmy Tamborello and Ben Gibbard, who entangled my adolescence in the transcontinental mail correspondence that eventually became Give Up. Seeing it happen all over again at much more rapid speeds makes me feel the cold pull of death in my groin.

56. Donnie Darko gec

55. Ironic nail polish gec

54. Juggalo gec

53. The one-eyed gec of the heterosexual dollar!

52. Jack Kerougec

51. Shitty BMX gec
“I Need Help Immediately” makes me feel like I’m about to smash my nuts on the frame of a Mongoose.

50. Seinfeld theme song gec
That signature slap bass peeks through the cacophony of “I Need Help Immediately.” What’s the deal with that?

49. Melted action figures gec
100 gecs is Toy Story antagonist Sid’s favorite band.

48. Japanese soup commercial gec

47. Mountain Dew gec

46. Acid jazz gec

45. Acid wash gec

44. Acid in Corey's basement gec

43. WAAF gec
The radio station that used to play Disturbed in my hometown just announced it was going off air this month. The news makes listening to 100 gecs a sinister vibe.

42. Pitchfork loves the word “maximalist” gec
Larry Fitzmaurice is one of my favorite music writers out there, but his dissection of 1000 gecs was exhausting. The review is positive, but it misses the spirit of the record by treating it like it’s something that can be understood academically.

41. PC Music gec
100 gecs lyrics are written in HTML.

40. Two-story beer bong gec

39. Anthrax T-shirt with chili stains gec

38. Funyuns and Faygo gec

37. Trailer Park Boys gec
I don’t watch this show, but it feels right. 

36. Aqua Teen Hunger Force gec
On second thought, this is probably a better TV reference for the band. They performed on Adult Swim, after all. Like and subscribe. Sound off in the comments.

35. Dirt Bike Guy gec
You went to high school with a guy who wore gigantic Fox sunglasses and now has a rib tattoo that reads, “I'm addicted to Monster, money, and weed, yeah.”

34. Tamagotchi gec (Tamogechi?)

33. Jungle juice gec

32. Ford Escort hubcap stuck in a snowbank gec

31. Diplo gec
Diplo seems like a nice enough guy, but at times, Brady treads a little too close to his mentor.

30. Old modem gec
Moooooommm get off the phone I’m chatting with 100 gecs!

29. Mumble rap gec
I’ve resisted the urge to look up 100 gecs lyrics on Genius because I worry they'll remind me of one of the most confounding stylistic turns in rap history.

28. Stoner alt-rock gec
Here’s a picture of Brady in a tie-dye Sublime shirt sitting on a dirty couch

27. Toaster fire gec

26. KaZaa gec

25. Polyphonic ringtone gec

24. Riff Raff getting cast in Sonic but getting cut from the final edit gec
Minnesota celebrity Riff Raff has all but disappeared following his 2018 sexual assault allegation, but Brady and Les have refined parts of his bleary redneck pimp schtick into a more original sound. Cast them as Tails and Knuckles in the sequel. 

23. Graffitied underpass gec

22. Oneohtrix Point Never gec

21. Sega Game Gear gec

20. Age of Adz gec
Whatever glitchy spirit possessed Sufjan Stevens in 2010 has found 100 gecs and quadrupled in power. 

19. Clipse gec
“745 sticky” comes from an alternate universe where Hell Hath No Fury was made a decade later by Brady and Les. The only thing it’s missing is a Pyrex name-check.

18. Nu metal gec
Remember when Korn claimed they created dubstep? They didn’t, but at least they inspired 100 gecs to totally reinvent it.

17. College radio gec
I don’t belong in this world anymore.

16. Doc Martens and tie-dye hoodies gec

15. Obscure Spongebob memes gec

14. Intro to Keyboard gec
Much of 1000 gecs was composed by turning on the bossa nova setting on a boxy 1998 Yamaha and letting a cat walk across the keys. Somewhere in the 100 gecs studio, there’s a dogeared copy of Essential Elements for Band.

13. AIM screen name gec
[Creaking door sound] xXXi_wud_nvrstøp_ÜXXx has signed on.

12. Mindless Self Indulgence gec
Another useless way I can think to describe 100 gecs is that they sound how former MTV VJ Jesse Camp looks. This is a very 2000s reference, I’m aware, but so much of the band’s sound is mined from this very misguided period of time—in particular, New York band Mindless Self Indulgence. I once thought their scraped-off-a-highway brand of technopunk could only exist in the time it was created. With songs like “800db Cloud,” 100 gecs spit that assumption back in my face. 

11. Comic book villain gec
This motherfucker is gonna kill Batman.

10. Emo evolution gec
Imagine if, instead of starting over as Skrillex, Sonny Moore fired the other members of From First to Last and replaced them with an Ableton. That is the exact energy of “Hand Crushed by a Mallet.” 

9. Benny Benassi gec
Speaking of “Hand Crushed by a Mallet,” its fuck-ready arpeggio is straight out of the Italian DJ’s playbook.

8. Ska gec
Pickitup pickitup pickitup pickitup! If you’re not skanking to “Supid Horse” in a circle pit, are you even a decreasingly relevant Millennial? 

7. Truck Sluts gec
If the “Money Machine” video taught us anything, it’s that nothing is hornier than a tricked out GMC. Softcore queer phenomenon Truck Sluts has that same dangerous sexuality. Pull over at the Waffle House and spread ‘em.

6. Best girlfriend ever gec
It’s astonishing how tender 100 gecs can be. The opening of “800db Cloud.” The outro of “Gecgecgec.” All of “Gec 2 U.” Between the gnashing of genres is 100 gec’s angelic heart, brought to life by Les in her most vulnerable moments.

5. 2008 Lil Wayne gec
In the late-aughts, T-Pain, Akon, and Kanye West all discovered Auto-Tune. But when Best Rapper Alive Lil Wayne got his hands on the melody-destroying technology, things changed forever. Suddenly, you could be hard as hell and rapping about slingin’ coke while your voice warbled like a smashed McDonald’s drive-through speaker. The gecs exude that same attitude, piss baby.

4. Bubblegum gec
100 gecs are trailer park Vengaboys. "Ringtone" is 100 gec's "Barbie Girl." Their "Steal My Sunshine." Their “Blue.”

3. Death metal gec
Laura's vocal solo on “800 db Cloud” exists somewhere on the continuum between Behemoth, pterodactyl mating calls, and Tuvan throat singing. 

2. Punk Goes Crunk gec
I used to buy Fearless Records comps at Borders in the mall. By the end of this sentence, none of those things will exist anymore.

1. Pop punk gec
100 gecs sounds like Tom Delonge actually discovered alien technology and used it to record an album. This is the most cogent way I can describe the band, and I will not explain any further.

100 gecs
With: Tony Velour
Fine Line
When: 7 p.m. Thurs. Feb. 27
Tickets: Sold out