Fred Durst to add self-parody to resume with family-friendly sitcom
He's helped popularize plodding, misogynistic rap-rock and backwards red baseball caps. He's incited the shiftless youth in a Woodstock audience to riot. He's been an unashamedly creepy stalker of young, blond Hollywood pop starlets. He's been involved in film projects involving skateboarding culture. Now, Limp Bizkit lightning rod Fred Durst would like to monopolize an adjusted-for-commercial, half-hour-interruption of your precious viewing time with a CBS sitcom about, well, Fred Durst, possibly staring a guy looks suspiciously like Fred Durst.
- Durst's acting abilities are pretty much non-existent.
- Durst putting his kids to sleep by murmuring the chorus to "Eat You Alive" or trying to transform LB touring adventures into teachable parental moments defies the bounds of believability.
- Wallet chains have no place on CBS comedies.
- Dope DJ Lethal wheels-of-steel interludes that signal the shift from one scene to another.
- We can probably count on lots of guest spots from Wes Borland in increasingly macabre face paint, a la Jazzy Jeff on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. If Borland can't make it, members of International Clown Posse can sub in; nobody will know the difference.
- The idea of Durst being married to a hot blond bombshell -- or being pestered and cajoled by a Greek chorus of hot blond baby-mamas -- won't require too major suspension of disbelief on the part of the audience.
- Did you ever see short-lived Bible Belt shock-drama The Book of Daniel, where Jesus of Nazareth is constantly showing up to advise the show's frocked protagonist? What if -- wait for it -- what if, during times of trouble or just randomly, Durst's Kurt Cobain tattoo comes to life to offer sage-if-smacked-out counsel and scream "Smells Like Teen Spirit" at a deafening volume?
- Durst definitely needs an answer to Home Improvement's Wilson; there are a lot of possibilities, but for the ultimate in cosmic synchronicity, Gimme Noise will settle for no one less than Luther Campbell.
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