Five unexpected Valentines Day songs

Valentine's Day is approaching like a row of fresh-blooming tulips, a wall of menacing storm clouds, or a bit of both. This greeting card holiday always has musical implications, and the state of the love song is as complicated as ever in 2012.

For those who don't have Teleflora on speed-dial, give the gift of a emotion-stabbing playlist of current songs discussing love like this one. It's cheaper, calorie-free, and won't wilt.

5. Leonard Cohen, "Crazy To Love You" - Nobody does 1,000-year no-affect angst like Cohen, who turns what appears to be a jumbled hymn of love and devotion in an alleged, slow-exhaled treatise on the nature of insanity. Maybe.

4. Nedry, "TMA" - The singer's ecstasy feels climax-peak genuine, but whether it's skin-flick gratuitous or S&M/snuff-flick pathological is way unclear. Either way, "TMA" gives me the fucking creeps, and doesn't rate my Cupid playlist.

Check out Nedry on Facebook.

3. Madonna feat. M.I.A. and Nicki Minaj, "Give Me All Your Luvin'" - "Walk Like An Egyptian" was by the Bangles, but I hear a bit of that single in the almost cynically pandering "Luvin.'" Kinda like getting a Whitman's Sampler from your steady sweetie with postage-due and little folded-up want lists in place of actual chocolates.

2. Plants and Animals, "Song for Love" - Until Hallmark comes out with an "I betrayed your trust and belief in me in every imaginable way but I still love you" Valentine's Day card, you'd better than your lucky stars that "Song for Love" even exists.

1. Security, "Cruise Control" - Grim, "Peter Gunn"-indebted synth-pop working triple-decker entendres like energy lobbyists at a GOP fundraiser -- a Valentine's Day dawn aphrodisiac for those who get their kicks in ways that'll never be immortalized on Two and a Half Men. Hey, everybody's got a different definition of what "love" is.

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