Classic Stoner Behavior

Like the Beethoven? You may just be a degenerate dope fiend, if a study published in the journal Philosophy and Music (via the BBC) is to be believed. And apparently, the bands you like say a lot about the choices you make.

Okay, "degenerate dope fiend" is a bit much. The British study, which surveyed more than 2500 people, found that one in every four classical music fans have tried cannabis. This is apparently because you need to take the edge off Brahms (although with Stravinsky, that's actually understandable.

According to University of Leicester researchers, they were able to get fairly accurate predictors of lifestyle choices based solely on musical factors. "It was shown that [behaviours] had nothing to do with [participants] ethnic backgrounds," said lead researcher Adrian North. "The behaviour was linked purely to musical taste in its own right." The abstract of the study says they "concluded that participants' musical preferences provided a meaningful way of distinguishing different lifestyle choices."

So, what were the major findings?

* People who liked musicals took the least amount of drugs and committed the fewest criminal acts. Also, they drink less and are near the top in charity work performed. Note to self: listen to more showtunes to embrace the better angels of one's nature.

* Fans of hip hop and dance music are likely to have had multiple sex partners and were top-ranked in terms of drugs taken. Or bottom-ranked, depending on one's perspective. Point being: "It comes out in the study that, in these types of music, fans score worse in various behaviours, such as criminality, sexual promiscuity and drug use," said Dr. North.

* In the classic forbidden fruit model, though, hip-hop fans were also the most likely to have attended a fee-paying school (what we in the states would call "private school").

* There is a direct correlation between emo music and twee pop with interest in Ultimate Fighting. Strangely, fans of Belle and Sebastian were rated most likely to commit random physical violence, and of the 200 Plain White Tees fans surveyed, 179 planned to pursue a career in mixed martial arts. (Note: yes, this part is made up. But it is the only part of this post that is made up. Really.)

If they had only broken down more specifically what kind of drugs were taken byfans of what music genre, we might have had some interesting results. Pure speculation: metal = meth. Techno? Ecstacy. Radiohead? Nyquil and ketamine.

I know, Radiohead's not a genre. But when they do the next study (where researchers plan to survey 10,000 people), they should make it one.

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