For decades, right-wing blowhard Mike Huckabee has built a political career (and a Fox News audience) on oppressive stances towards women, the LGBT community, and minorities, among others. But nothing in this sequence of cloaked bigotry and distaste for progress rivals the tone-deaf move he made this week. Think Brad Paisley and LL Cool J's "Accidental Racist" song from a few years back, but subtract anything accidental about it.
As soon as Huck shot his gun-toting mouth off about Beyoncé -- by criticizing Barack and Michelle Obama for letting their teen daughters listen to her -- he made himself a one-issue politician on the wrong side of history.
"I don't understand how on one hand they can be such doting parents and so careful about the intake of everything -- how much broccoli they eat and where they go to school and making sure they're kind of sheltered and shielded from so many things -- and yet they don't see anything that might not be suitable for either a preteen or a teen in some of the lyrical content and choreography of Beyoncé," Huckabee said, in reference to the Obamas' parenting.
First of all, this statement comes from a fan of hair metal dinosaur Ted Nugent, who is better known these days for where he points his crossbow than anything he does with an instrument.
Is Huckabee most upset by Bey's lyrical content and choreography that embodies personal freedom, or is it the stuff that inspires us all to maintain our self-respect? Maybe he just hates that 'yoncé advocates for unbridled love for a partner, hard work, and creativity. Take your pick.
The easiest explanation is that Huck hasn't actually listened to Beyoncé. He claims he's heard her "exceptional set of pipes," but it seems more likely that his hearing aids are long out of batteries. Her songs overflow with fun, empowerment, and life-affirming joy that is so lacking in his message. A little spinning with your hands up could do you some good, Huck.
Google the title of a whole book of pathetic Huckabee babble that he's trying to sell right now you wish. We won't print it here. Hint: It features a bunch of words that begin with "g" not including "gratitude," "generosity," or anything celebrating "gender." He continues digging his own grave by going after Jay Z for "crossing the line from husband to pimp by exploiting his wife as a sex object."
The mud pit that is the internet ensures that all public officials come with at least some baggage, and elections come down to choosing the lesser evil, which is now virtually anything not Huckabee in 2016.
Not that we'd ever vote for this geezer who moonlights playing bass in a classic rock cover band in the first place, but taking away Beyoncé from anyone -- let alone a teenager -- who depends on her is beyond cruel. While you're at it, subtract breathable air, potable water, and Netflix. You just can't do that and expect to survive.
Attack the Queen Bey's passionate hive of supporters without getting stung? Please.
Driver, roll up the partition, and put Uncle Huck and his garbage-spewing mouth in the trunk.
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