Are You There God? It's Me, Kurt Loder

class=img_thumbleft>What might life be like without TiVo, Kelly Clarkson ringtones, and self-adhesive maxipads? MTV's The 70s House seeks an answer to this ageless (okay, extremely time-sensitive) query by housing 12 youngsters in a split-level tricked out to resemble Grandma's pad circa 1974. (MTV's website is quick to point out that these are, in fact, "modern kids" and not authentic '70s teens thawed out

Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer

-style for boffo ratings.) The suffering roomies have to scarf Hostess snacks, listen to (gasp!) vinyl, and wear frumpy, earth-toned outfits-in other words, they're no different than the average Bright Eyes fan, but hell, MTV hasn't been inventive since Kari Wuhrer was on the payroll. There's also a competitive angle to this queasy arrangement as well (the inhabitants have to participate in era-appropriate challenges, such as learning the Hustle) but does anyone really care about childish games when there are fur bedspreads and shag rugs to be despoiled by writhing, gym-toned bodies? (And are the participants even allowed to have "modern" sex, or can we expect a temporary resurgence of the Dalkon Shield and uber-muffs?)

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