7 songs for new parents Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon

So it wasn't a rumor or a delusion, after all: Mariah Carey was really pregnant with real fetuses, experiencing the real ups, downs, and all-around of being with child. And Saturday, she really did become a mom for the first time, which means Nick Cannon is a dad, and maybe The-Dream is like a creepy, inappropriate uncle - all of which is rather difficult to grasp, to accept, to wrap one's head around. Because I guess in some weird way whenever I see pictures of Cannon I imagine that he's this 15-year-old fool wearing his dad's old suit, playing dress-up, and because Carey is notorious for being this freak-of-nature songbird but also an arrested-development case, and, well, the idea of these two people waking up in the middle of the night to quell crying jags or cleaning up baby puke and sterilizing baby bottles and changing diapers is inconceivable.

(Yes, I know: nannies and governesses will handle most of that stuff.)

In any event, congratulations to the proud parents, and the baby boy and girl, and whatever magazine eventually lands the rights to publish photographs of them. Oh, and here: have a mix-tape, on us.

R. Kelly, "Havin' A Baby"

Seriously, I was ready for Carey to be one of those Hollywood grande dames who for career or biological reasons just never take the leap into motherhood, or who wind up adopting kids from Africa or something. How is it that 40, give or take, winds up being the make or break moment for so many of our actresses and singers? Why gamble with fate or risk raising a kid with weird, stunted character traits or birth defects? Why have people at your kid's graduation assume you're his or her grandma? Anyway, Anka is corny, but Cannon is cornier, and if you swore to me that he broke into "She's Having My Baby" when Carey broke the news I'd totally buy it. "Havin' A Baby" they probably sang as a duet.

Smokey Robinson & The Miracles, "Ooh Baby Baby"

A sultry, Golden-Era-of-Motown reminder that "baby" doesn't always mean "baby" in the Webster's sense; sometimes, "baby" just means "chew toy I'd like to knock up," which is incredibly unwholesome, un-"family values." Could make the playlist in the Carey-Cannon nursery, though, but that's kind of gross.

Patsy Cline, "I'm Back In Baby's Arms"

Ditto. Haven't you seen Natural Born Killers?

Spoon, "Waiting For The Kid To Come Out"

In addition to hosting America's Got Talent and producing too many specials to list here, Cannon wears a ton of leadership hats over at TeenNick and has his own record label, N'Credible Entertainment, which means that dude probably goes through three or four top-of-the-line Blackberries a year. But can somebody as motivated and ambitious as he appears to be shove aside or delegate all business ventures and problems to tend to his pregnant wife? It's hard to say. I can seriously picture him texting like mad in waiting rooms and at the same time I can imagine him down on his knees at Carey's bedside, wide-eyed, supportive, clutching one of her hands in both of his, the all-around perfect husband.

The Beatles, "Cry Baby Cry"
Bardo Pond, "Cry Baby Cry"

Lennon sets the Age-of-Aquarius lullaby baseline, while Bardo Pond re-examine it through a prism while blimp-level high on killer hydroponic weed; expect neither version to get much play in the Carey-Cannon nursery.

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