With a punky, energy-drink-slushee manifesto like this, everybody's a winner. Alpha-females-in-training-bras get a back-to-school theme song; overprotective parents can take solace in the ambiguity of the lyric, "Don't you know what I could do to make you feel alright?" while pervs celebrate what's implied; boys can pretend they're the subjects; and Pink's got another teen-pop monolith to reject.
Kiddie-rap's newest, freshest hope for playground double-Dutch glory is all beat and multiplied vocals, forcing the listener to zero in on the codependent relationship between a sassy high schooler and her name-brand makeup. Too skeletal by a long shot—but what do I know? I'm 30, and Voice of the Young People ain't aimed at me.
Plain White Ts
Hey There Delilah
Affable Chi-town guys—one of whom, awkwardly, is actually black—rocket to semi-stardom on back of über-sensitive acoustic/strings ode. Tween girls not named Delilah continue to swoon and MySpace-stream the song. However, a spike in suicides among tween girls named Delilah is reported; more often than not, they occur at Starbucks.
It's difficult to settle on this song's most egregious aspect. Is it the further cultural entrenchment of that fad wherein Southern rap singles arrive shrinkwrapped with near-interchangable "dances" that will be disavowed by practitioners 14 months hence? The gratuitous application of distracting, ectoplasmic cheese to the vocals, via vocoder? The fact that "Grey Goose and yak/Blunt filled wit kush/I'm getting jiggy wit it/Smokin' on that George Bush" is as quotable as this dude gets?
The White Stripes
The red'n'white color-coordinated sibs/exes stage a mightily titanic Black Sabbath vs. Led Zeppelin throwdown while you, me, and those isolationist jingo-blowhards from the auto garage get taken to histrionic task for anti-immigration racism. Jack White = still an asshole, but now he's a politically relevant asshole.
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