Won't you join Wolf Eyes member Nate Young and his pal Steve Kenney as they bravely travel deep into the heart of a post-doomsday, psychic-Bermuda Triangle wasteland, where the trees are always on fire and the throbbing, bloodshot horizon is perpetually carnivorous? Or—as I suspect—are you weak of heart and eagerly anticipating the "impending" release of Chinese Democracy?

Kid Rock

"Rock and Roll Jesus"

What's that? The one thing that's been missing from your misbegotten existence of late is dope new Kid Rock sh!t? Well, true believer, thrill to this wah-wah-pedaled-out '70s porn-flick jam, replete with post-Beasties invective about the titular freeloader from the erstwhile Mr. Pamela Anderson/"Cowboy": "He sips from your 40 and he always backwashes."

Talib Kweli feat. JustinÊTimberlake

"The Nature"

When Kweli explains that "It's kinda hard to keep faith in the things that you do/When everybody turns their back on you," he's summarizing the mindset of many down-and-out ghetto youth, but that rhyme doubles as commentary on his not-so-successful posi-rap career. For unrealistic "crossover hit" purposes, Timberlake's enlisted for fake-MJ hook duty, making this whole thing that much more depressing.


"House of Cards"

Rolling Stone predicted that these moody Brits were "the future of rock" back in, what, 2001? Anyway, here's a suspiciously delicate and disinterested ballad about consenting adults beginning a secret affair; it's much more fun if you imagine Thom Yorke or a member of Radiohead's management team whispering, "I don't wanna be your friend/I just wanna be your lov-ah" into the voicemail boxes of whatever record companies they're courting to release In Rainbows traditionally.

Sunset Rubdown

"The Mending of the Gown"

There is such a thing as being too excited about whatever "creative anachronism society" conceit you've hitched to a sweaty barroom workout, which is what shoves this song over the fine line between "tolerable" and "background pop for being forever-on-hold in Hades."