5 songs to cheer up Rahm Emanuel

Rahm Emanuel is not having a good week. Emanuel - former Clinton White House senior adviser, former U.S. representative, former Obama White House chief of staff - has designs on the Chicago mayoral office, which means, naturally, that he's ultimately gunning for the Illinois governorship and maybe even 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

One step at a time, of course - first, dude has to get elected mayor of Chicago, and thanks to some residency bullshit, it's looking like that isn't gonna happen, like Emanuel's lead in the polls might not wind up being worth a tinker's dam. It's not like he's given up - his reputation as a dogged campaign firebrand and partisan psychopath is well-documented - and he's campaigning obliviously and making his legal team earn its no-doubt stratospheric hourly retainer, but stuff like this sort of sucks the winds out of one's sails and stomps all over one's fait accompli victory rock-star bash.

Let's Fed-Ex Rahm a fully-stocked consolation iPod nano, shall we?

The Shirelles, "Momma Said"

Momma said there'd be days like this, didn't she? Rainy days. Gloomy days. Days that test your resolve and puree your nerves and make you want to grab an AK-47 and start taking out judges at random, which is fine, because given the historically vicious nature of Chicago politics manslaughter won't necessarily preclude a viable candidate from ascending to higher office there. Anyway, Momma? Momma said. Or weren't you listening, Rahmmy-Rahm-Rahm?

Wolf Eyes, "Stabbed In The Face"

Given Emanuel's general fuck-detente temperment, it's a good bet that he doesn't feel like someone who's been stabbed in the face right now; he's probably the one who wants to do the stabbing, or behind that crazed plastic grin he's imagining himself swinging a huge sickle around his head like a hundred-pound bull-roarer. You getting this, Chicago-area barristas? Do not screw up this man's latte this week.

Nine Inch Nails, "No You Don't"

Kind of the ultimate "I drink your milkshake" aggro blast, or maybe more like "You got served" or "I dump your milkshake all over your $200 silk power tie and break the glass over your head."

Bad Religion, "No Control"

Greg Graffin said it plain enough in a verse - "If you came to conquer, you'll be king for a day/But you too will deteriorate, and quickly fade away" - but the chorus of "No Control" carries a meme that we'd all do well to remember, namely, well, any of us could step outside today full of vim, vigor, and purpose and get hit by a plummeting 747 for reasons that aren't immediately clear. So, Rahm? You are not a puppeteer. God is a puppeteer. Maybe you're just not meant to add the Chicago mayoral office to your resume at this point - or maybe your resolve is being tested, He's just messing with you, etc.

Chumbawamba, "Tubthumping"

He! Got! Knocked! Down! And! He! Got! Up! Again!

Sponsor Content


All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >