(Don't even pretend. I totally got you.)
As a fellow cubicle warrior, I know how hard it can be to find new and exciting ways to make your work day interesting. That's why today, I thought I'd pop in and give you a few tips that I've learned when it comes to adding excitement to your office and making your work week fly by a little faster.
Wait, what's that? You already know how to add excitement to your workplace with crazy parties and pranks you saw it on an old episode of The Office? Well let me ask you this, cool guy: Has The Office ever had an episode where Dwight gets popped for cooking meth in the warehouse, but instead of turning him in his co-workers band together to help move his product in hopes of raising enough money for a hot non-denominational holiday party including a guest spot by Willie Aames? Thought so.
(Author's note: That has nothing to do with my tips, but I'm on a weird Charles in Charge kick today and really needed to drop a Buddy Lembeck reference. Moving on.)
Tip #1: Find your office mascot
What is the one thing that all people worldwide have in common? A love of mascots.
We all have an office mascot whether we realize it or not. Maybe it's the angry chick in accounting with a bald spot (aka - the Bald Eagle). Maybe you work with a larger gentleman who has a penchant for eating other people's food out of the refrigerator (aka - the Hamburglar). Or maybe you have a small guy in your sales department who has long, red hair and looks like he knows how to cast magic spells (aka - Willow).
Basically, I'm saying that finding an office mascot is all about celebrating our differences.
Once you have established an office mascot you'll spend hours coming up with elaborate cheers, fight songs and other hilarious time-consuming activities, celebrating your new corporate icon. It's a total morale booster.
Tip #2: End meetings with a slow clap
Remember the movie Cool Runnings? If you don't, quit your job, go home and watch it right now. Seriously, you have no business in society if you haven't seen it. Just kidding!
(Author's note: Not kidding.)
Anyways, there's a scene at the end of the movie when the Jamaican bobsled team has just suffered their greatest defeat. But they stand up and continue to push through, resulting in the best slow clap scene of all time. This is a metaphor for Wednesday afternoon in your office.
You sit through a meeting, trying not to fall asleep or throw up on yourself from the gas leak in your conference room that hasn't been addressed in over two weeks. Finally, the meeting wraps up and you look around at the faces of your co-workers, realizing that you've been into battle and made it out alive. So what do you do?
It's a scientific fact that slow clapping is contagious, and soon you and your co-workers will be sharing in one of the most powerful and heartfelt displays of emotion ever invented.
Don't believe me? Ask the Jamaican bobsled team.
Tip #3: Shout the words, "Stadium status!" every time you enter a meeting
I don't really have any logic behind this one, but one time I saw Lil Wayne do it onstage at a show. And if Lil Wayne does something, you know it's going to be rad. Try it out today. Trust me.
Look, you've only got two days to go before the weekend. Then you can do what I do and spend your free time remembering what life was like before you worked in a cubicle and had crazy things like "dreams" and "goals." In the meantime, try these tips out in your office and watch your day turn into a movie-esque party.