17 things I've had to explain to my therapist

Explaining this image is essential to my mental health.

Explaining this image is essential to my mental health. Associated Press

I am an extremely online journalist who compulsively gorges on cultural ephemera every minute I’m awake. As a result, my therapist, a well-adjusted adult, often has no idea what I’m gibbering about.

Here is a lengthy but not exhaustive list of the people, concepts, events, and websites I have explained to him over the past five years.

1. How Gritty became Antifa

2. Beyoncé fans

3. Twitter

4. Why Twitter is the worst

5. Max Martin

6. The M.I.A. truffle fry incident

7. That feelings are bad and I need to have as few of them as possible

8. Why David Brooks is dumb

9 . The “certainty of hopelessness” standard that bankruptcy courts require you to meet to discharge your student loans

10. That I can’t come in today, I’m sadder than usual

11. It’s not me, it’s capitalism

12. Robert Christgau

13. Tinder

14. Why Tinder is the worst

15. That I am “finshed with sex"

16. That, look, I know this is the second cancellation this month but I already took a shower and ate two handfuls of peanuts and I’m sorry that’s all I’ve got in me today

17. How Gritty became a Communist