Even though I have the legal right to use Steven Tyler’s song, he asked me not to. Have better one to take its place!
But last week — and for the purposes of this post, let's say as a direct result of not having a campaign song — Trump fell behind fellow candidate Ben Carson in the polls. You can't wait any longer, Donald. Please choose one of the following songs, lest this clown-car GOP primary become less entertaining through Iowa, New Hampshire, and beyond.
10. "Donald Trump" by Mac Miller — The message is resolute: "Take over the world when I'm on my Donald Trump shit." Trump is not exactly fond of the track or that "ungrateful dog" Miller, though.
9. "Chinese Democracy" by Guns N' Roses — Dude loves saying "China."
8. "You Never Met A Motherfucker Quite Like Me" by Kid Rock — Kid Rock casually refers to the president as "Obummer"; The Donald is all about branding himself as a Washington outsider.
7. "Jesus Is Just Alright" by the Doobie Brothers — Because he's a devoutly religious billionaire tycoon and not at all because he's pandering to the Christian right, Trump's favorite book is the Bible (just don't ask him his favorite verses).
6. "Reagan" by Killer Mike — OK, so this Ronald Reagan takedown rap would alarm conservative primary voters for reasons ideological and latently racist. But it's worth pointing out that Trump hated the GOP messiah.
5. "Atlantic City" by Bruce Springsteen — The Boss almost certainly hates Trump, so why not troll him with a song named after Trump's former casino stomping grounds?
4. "Immigrant Song" by Led Zeppelin — Trump could also blast this one on a loop from the future U.S.-Mexico border wall.
3. "Get Money" by Junior M.A.F.I.A. — The "populist billionaire" is here to make us all rich ... by dramatically slashing corporate tax rates.
2. "Orange Song" by Yo La Tengo — Simple: Trump is one orange-looking motherfucker.
1. "Makes No Sense at All" from Hüsker Dü's Flip Your Wig — Factoring in both titles, this one is perfection.
B-b-b-bonus song: This one's for you, Ben Carson.