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@#%&*, dude! Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back board

SmithIsGod: Hey fungi--I scooped this transcript from It's the supplemental audio track from the forthcoming Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back DVD!

Kevin Smith: Hello [in lulling, deadpan baritone], I'm the writer-director, Kevin Smith, and we're back once again to lay commentary. To help me out: Scott Mosier, my ubiquitous View Askew producer; the inimitable Jason Mewes, the titular...

Jason Mewes: ...dude!

Kevin Smith: The "Jay" of the title. And finally, here's our low-rent heartthrob, reprising his buffest role, from Chasing Amy: the wry--and, um, dry?--Mr. Ben Affleck.

Ben Affleck: Oh, that hurts [glottal sigh]. Anyway, that's right, girls: Strap it on now. It's commentary time--and time is money.

Kevin Smith: So, unlike my numbingly static previous efforts, such as Clerks and Mallrats, etc., I wanted this flick to have some motion to it--like a madcap road flick in the tradition of the classics: National Lampoon's Vacation, It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World, or The Cannonball Run. And to star our wildly popular and heretofore grossly underutilized comic-addled pot-dealers, Jay and Silent Bob. Sort of a Groucho and Harpo Marx do Every Which Way You Can't. Or something. Anyway, essentially, Jay and Bob, who were the models for a comic entitled Bluntman and Chronic, hear through back channels that the strip is being made into a feature film without their consent. In a very pivotal scene, Pearl Harbor Oscar hopeful Ben Affleck, reprising the only nuanced character of his career, introduces them--remember, it's 2001--to the Internet, and they discover that not only are they getting ripped off, but they're being dissed as sellouts: fifth-rate Cheech and Chong, Bill and Ted knockoffs. So they head to Hollywood and try to wreck the film shoot.

Ben Affleck: And the rest is history.

Kevin Smith: A surprise back-to-school sleeper-smash jab to the megaplexus. Okay, wait--we're rolling. Okay, now, see, in the opening sequence, you get the brief flashback of the genesis of the duo: how they meet, as babies, in strollers outside the Quick Stop. So we see here how it really was bad parenting that started it all.

Ben Affleck: As it always does.

Kevin Smith: As it will do.

BrodieDawg: Okay, bitches--here's my review. If you don't already know, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back is truly excellent. It's the fifth and final film in Kevin Smith's "New Jersey Trilogy." And while you might say that's two too many, it's not that way for those of us who love Kevin. He is a true comic genius with a huge heart and lot to say to anyone in my generation who hates elitism and has real appreciation for intelligent and funny filmmaking. This movie is triumphant. Jay and Bob escape from Jersey, get tangled up in a crime with feisty hotties (Eliza Dusku, Ali Larter, Shannon Elizabeth--kill me now!), bust up movie sets, and rightfully star in their own movie. Only Kevin would bring back Luke Skywalker, a.k.a. Mark Hamill, as the villain Cocknocker! One question: Why are Jason Lee's old characters Brodie and Banky just sandwich bread? Lee's grade A meat!!!!

JoeyBabe: Hey everyone, I scooped this from Mort Esprit's review in Cinema Notebook:

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back: We are what we consume. In his fifth film, lowbrow bard Kevin Smith continues to explore "write what you know" as "write what knows you." Whether it's The Man, Consumerism, Pop Culture, "Women," God, The Internet, or Hollywood, Smith concedes that these entities have a vastly more coherent understanding of him and his hapless characters than the sardonic Jersey-ites have of themselves. It's as if Smith is saying that the intelligence of these cultural amalgams we call "selves" is probably as limited and constructed as anything from A.I. And without epic "free will" or originality, all that's really left to do is banter beneath the radar. And so, in the obey-your-thirst 21st Century, Smith becomes the frat-friendly flip side to his subtler counterpart Richard Linklater, and does much to fine-tune the active voice of slackerdom.

Bugaloo: What who consumes? Is that like when Jay writes to the guy on, "We're gonna make you eat our shit, and then we're gonna make you eat your own shit that's made from our shit that we made you eat" ?

PlayaHD: Yeah, exactly. You can only create what you consume!

UGeneVDebbs: Slacker??? Kevin Smith is the hardest-working proletarian voice of the left! Just look at this film. Jay and Silent Bob represent the futile mobility of the modern American. Smith's satire has them traveling naively through a crass, day-glo, narcotized, commercialized, prostituted Americana full of fascist authorities and manipulative opportunists. Everyone is homophobic and women can only become empowered as thieves. But there is still hope, and along the way they bond with fellow working dealers and save an orangutan from destruction.

SleezStack: New scoop from (contains many SPOILERS!!!):

More flawed, smug product from deluded hauteur Kevin Spliff--who, as the taciturn better half of sideprick Jason Mewl (dude finally licked his way to the center of a movie), stumbles through a world of empty TV and film clichés, bantering with various two-dimensional characters whose only task is to stand around spewing arcane Spliff-specific references. Once again, the pitch-imperfect writing and direction of this would-be satirist makes him seem like the misogynist homophobe he's not, and the shallow social critic he is. (Hey, check out those attempts to write "black"...please! He practically has Chris Rock say "honky.") And so, the saga continues: Cranks, Mallrants, Changing Amy, Flogma, and now Jiff and Soilent Bud Stroke Bank.

Dick006: That guy should relax. I mean, Kevin's not Mell Brooks or Monte Python, but...

GreatBrain: You wanna mount Kevin's python? Are you in GLAAD?

Dick006: You know, Kevin's cool, but it really is his own fault that they came down on him.

GreatBrain: Of course they wanna go down on him! They should just leave him alone. He gave money to their charity and everything, so they should shut up. If you read his letter to GLAAD on, he even said that the only reason he isn't gay is he wouldn't know what to say when a guy shoots in his mouth. So, see, Kevin's NOT gay, but he would be GLAD to be gay, just like you're gay to be in GLAAD.

Dick006: I'm not gay or in GLAAD, but why do you (and Kevin) find it so totally weird that gay guys have oral sex? Don't your girlfriends do it?

GB: Two chicks together?! Right on!

Dick006: You know man, you sound like some kind of Appalachian. Get off the board and go sell some Oxy to your mom.

Oxy4Sale: Scooped this from, whatever that is:

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back is Kevin Smith at his most social, most relaxed, and most magnanimously in love with his own ridiculous good luck. Shucking the narrative conceits of his last three features, the former quicky-mart clockpuncher basically puts the Clerks ethos on the road, with the suddenly noochlicious Jason Mewes as a jackass Ferris Bueller (and Smith himself, once again, as the near-silent sidekick). Thus unfettered, Smith's spawn of Seventies TV and Eighties multiplex trash is free to ramble wherever his joke-sniffer leads him. (Hey, is that Judd Nelson?) Sure, the whole half-baked jaunt is a mix of lazily fetishized kitsch and dubious social politics--though a scene with Tracy Morgan as a unionized drug dealer is one of his best yet. Think of it this way: As The Simpsons meets All in the Family, it's way off, but as South Park meets Saturday Night Live, it's the poo.

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