Also in this Issue
- Perfect Stranger Joshua Alexander looked at all the lonely women in internet chat rooms-- and saw nothing but opportunit (Cover Story)
- Gonorrhea Always Rings Twice What happens when the sex police make a house call? (News)
- Corporaal Punishment Tits v. Glass: The harassment suit (News)
- More articles from this issue...
More News/City Beat Articles
- Don't Worry, Go Hunting Are efforts to allay concerns over mad deer disease driven by good science or vested interests? (Oct 16, 2002)
- Barbarians at the Metrodome Gates (Oct 16, 2002)
- Magical Misery Tour Norm Coleman's "St. Paul miracle" gets a withering report card (Oct 9, 2002)
- Never Forget (Oct 2, 2002)
- Don't Ask, Don't Tell Police misconduct? Tell somebody who cares. (Oct 2, 2002)
- Everything the Traffic Will Allow The Randy Moss story the mainstream media won't touch (Oct 2, 2002)
- The Jordan Shuffle The city plays politics with police/minority relations (Sep 25, 2002)
- Stop That Train Neighborhood groups say the Gopher/Vikings stadium drive is going too fast (Sep 25, 2002)
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Things overheard at the STD clinic
Talk Dirty to Me
The quotes below are complaints reported by clients of Room 111, a public health clinic in St. Paul that treats people for sexually transmitted diseases. Nurses at the clinic began creating the list two decades ago; it now includes several hundred comments.
"I have reason to believe my penis was exposed to LSD. When I ejaculate I have flashbacks."
"My hair is falling out and the sun hurts my crotch."
"I went to a party, had a few beers, woke up in a closet later on and my face stunk and my dick hurt."
"My last period looked like meat."
"My balls feel soft and mushy."
"I be messin' with these nasty women from Minnesota and they don't tell you they got something unless they mad at you."
"How am I supposed to do lap dances smelling like a dead fish?"
"I got the dripper."
"I have food chunks in my urine."
"Had sex with my daughter's fiancé and then douched with Lysol--feelin' a little raw down there."
"Scabs on my butt and I'm losing my mind."
"I'm releasing semen when I take a crap."
"I was poked in the rectum with the infected finger of a 70-year-old homosexual man."
"I live at the VA and my roommate has his girlfriend from Minneapolis over. They throw ticks at me that bite my neck and when I pop the sores, they smell like vagina juice."
"Can't you put the swab in further?"
"I had sex with my baby's momma, sex with my other baby's momma and my other new baby's momma has disease."
"Last time I had sex I passed something that looked like Cream of Wheat before it's cooked."
"My cervix hurts when I jiggle."
"The seam in my circumcision split open."
"I be messin' with my ex-wife and my girlfriend and I don't trust either of them."
"My whole body smells like a menstruating woman, especially my armpits."
"From the looks of my penis, I believe they are sucking the adrenaline out of me."
"I think they hypnotized me and put implants and poltergeists in my brain and had sex with me."
"I think my boyfriend knows what's going on. He's been calling me a 'chlamydiahoris.'"
"My pee smells like ham."
About Paul Demko
From the Archive
- Magical Misery Tour Norm Coleman's "St. Paul miracle" gets a withering report card (News - Oct 9, 2002)
- Borders Skirmishes Booksellers make lousy money--and book chains want to keep it that way (City Beat - Sep 18, 2002)
- MPD Hit and Run Couple has car stolen, call cops, get fined (City Beat - Aug 28, 2002)
- The Learning Curve What happens when good schools get a failing grade? (City Beat - Aug 21, 2002)
- A Picture of Discontent A series of artist showdowns paints an unflattering portrait of the diStilo Gallery (Arts Feature - Jul 31, 2002)
- Little Houses, Big Boxes Wal-Mart politicizes Inver Grove Heights (City Beat - Jul 17, 2002)
- Off Beat (Off Beat - Jul 17, 2002)
- Off Beat (Off Beat - Jul 10, 2002)
- More articles from the Paul Demko Archive...
