US Air Guitar Championships: Minneapolis Regional

Who says you have to have talent to be a star? The US Air Guitar Championships are here to give those who lack useful performance skills a chance at stardom and worldwide quasi-fame. Here's our guide to making it big on the air guitar circuit: First, sign up to compete at the Varsity. Next, be sure to give yourself a catchy stage name. Past regional champions went by monikers like "Duke Thranshington," "Pharm-Air-Cist," and "Guitar-sonist." So conjure up a rock-related name like "The AX-ident" or "The Thrash Man." Then put together a gaudy costume combining elements of metal, '80s kitsch, and hipster appeal. Spandex pants are always a hit, as are goofy sunglasses, sweatbands, afro wigs, suspenders, and black pleather—the uglier, the better. And fellas, don't be afraid to go shirtless even if you don't have a chiseled physique. The Har Mar Superstar topless-pudgy-guy look plays big with the judges. Finally, plan ahead and rehearse. You only get one minute to jam out to the song of your choice, so make sure you pack in as many big moves as possible. The second half of the competition involves performing to a surprise song, so don't blow all your good stuff on the first set. Follow these simple steps and you're all but guaranteed to be in the running for the Minneapolis title, which earns you a shot at the national championship, then on to Finland for the Air Guitar World Championships. 18+.
Sat., April 17, 8 p.m., 2010

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