Kristen Toomey is a standup comic from Chicago who talks onstage about everything from relationships to the way fellow women act in public restrooms. “I’m so tired of the game we’re playing in there of just pretending we’re not making any noise,” she tells an audience. “You try not to make any noise at all. We’re out in the streets yelling for equality, but in there? No, no, no.” Married for 14 years, she recently divorced. “I got a bad case of the kids out of the deal,” she states. “I can’t shake ’em. Literally, you can’t shake them. That’s the first thing they tell you. When I had the first one, the nurse would come into the room in the middle of the night and say, ‘Don’t shake the baby!’ Why are you planting seeds?” The kids are older now. “So, they made it,” she adds.