Native New Yorker Chris Distefano has some new neighbors. “It’s like this hipster person that loves yoga classes, fruit shakes, racial harmony; the ‘we’re going to make a difference!’ type. No, man. You’re going to get shot.” He explains further: “Listen, I know you’re having a good time with yourself, but you’re on a unicycle. Have a good time, but you come down my block on one wheel we take that as a direct threat.” He concedes that New York has a reputation for being a bit rude. “Nobody’s nice to you, but I prefer that,” he adds. “These new people are so nice it’s offensive. They have manners. ‘Good morning, sir.’ Who the fuck are you? Don’t talk to me. I know you’re new here, and if you see something, say something. Other than that, we’re just out here getting bagels and going back home.” In addition to standup, Distefano has hosted shows on MTV as well as MSG, the Madison Square Garden sports network. His first hour standup special, Chris Distefano: Size 38 Waist, premiered earlier this year.