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Oh, Cooper, where art thou?

Absolutely horrendous news broke this morning: Anderson Cooper might not come to Minnesota. The impeccably moisturized superstar anchor of CNN, whom we featured in our guide to the RNC, is instead preparing himself to do actual journalism. With hurricane Gustav barreling toward Louisiana, the pre-eminent heartthrob of the modern era will once again report from ground zero.

Hear that noise? It’s the sound of The Eagle patrons crying into their leather chaps.

The Tampa Bay Tribune broke the news earlier:

Today, as other cable TV news anchors focus on John McCain’s announcement of his running mate for vice president in Minnesota, Cooper will be preparing to anchor Anderson Cooper 360 from New Orleans, watching weather reports over the weekend to see if he’ll need to stay through next week.

“I’m not torn at all…there’s plenty of reporters covering the Republican convention,” said Cooper, who made a mark with passionate reporting on the failure of government to respond well to Katrina three years ago.

Yes, Anderson, we understand there will be 14,999 journalists around. But not a single talking head can fill your custom Italian kicks. Without you here there will be no Anderson Cooper moments of insight, no slim fitting suits to look at, and, honestly, no CNN.

This news totally kills the CNN after parties, too. You think anyone wants to swill vodka tonics with Lou Dobbs? We’d rather drink barf from a keg cup.

Anderson, please know the entire state of Minnesota will miss your presence. Although, we will be watching you from a distance, streaming your aura through our iPhones.

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