Ladies' Night: Twins Hot or Not
Nick Blackburn was able to save face for the boys in Seattle today to cap a morbid series. However, there are Twins fans for whom the "saving" is less important than the "face." Take my girlfriend. She is a big fan of Nick. And more so of catcher Joe Mauer. She calls the battery “Blackburn & Sideburn.” Not that she’s really all that interested in stats, outcomes or strategy -- she just likes how these dudes look. She’s not alone.
All journalistic integrity is set aside for the day as I’ve been waiting for a depressing hiccup (this Seattle swing qualifies) to post this Tiger Beat edition of Minnesota Twins baseball, special order for the fairer-sex readers of this space. It seems like every conversation into which I endeavor with a woman about Twins baseball leads, in short time, to the physical attributes of whichever Twin the respective lady finds most attractive. The conversational shift occurs whether it be in my own home, a local watering hole, or in my mom’s kitchen, where she is wont to refer to Justin Morneau as “a Greek God.” (Also note that she hasn’t stopped talking about Brett Favre’s arms since 1992).
Putting said proclivities to a stern, national test, back in June I randomly chose 20 Twins from our 40-man roster, and put their mugs up on the popular, shallow, but ultimately entertaining face/bod-grading site, Hot or Not, whereby participants are graded on a highly intellectual scale that offers polar ratings of 1 (“Not”)- to-10 (“Hot”), and all grading in-between. It is with a “staunch record of heterosexuality” (Seinfeld) that I offer the results. Like, fer sure!
1. Blackburn- 9.8
2. Morneau- 9.6
3. Crain- 9.4
4. Kubel- 9.3 5. Buscher- 9.2 6. Nathan - 9
7. (tie) Baker- 8.8 7. Neshek- 8.8 9. (tie) Liriano- 8.7 9. Punto- 8.7 9. Mauer- 8.7
12. (tie) Cuddyer- 8.4 12. Monroe- 8.4 12. Redmond- 8.4
18. (tie) Bonser- 7.6 18. Gomez- 7.6
20. Hernandez- 7.5
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss City Pages' biggest stories.