"I’m stuck in traffic because of these Republican bastards!"


A baritone, Jersey-accented voice rang out on the corner of St. Peter and 4th Street this afternoon, slicing through the muffled nonsense of the hundreds of radicalized/militarized bystanders.

“I’m stuck in traffic because of these Republican bastards!”

Sure enough, an eastbound black Limo sat idle at the intersection, an amiable gap-toothed gent behind the wheel peering out his open window. He had just uttered the sanest, most down-to-earth sentence we’d heard all day. We thus felt compelled to banter back. First off: who the hell was in the back of his ride?

He shrugged. “Republicans.”

Couldn’t they hear his ravings?

“Nah. Windows are up.”

Fair enough. But who, specifically, was sitting in the backseat?”

“Right now?" He looked back over his shoulder. "No one. But earlier it was--what's his name?--Rick Santorum."

Then the limo driver, whose name was Tom, went on to disparage the entire idea behind the convention, going on to suggest that everyone “should just go home.” When we got the camera on him, though, he suddenly turned bashful and backtracked on his original statement. He said he could “neither confirm nor deny” that one of America’s most infamous, opportunistic homophobes was indeed lurking in the back of the limo mere minutes earlier.

In case you were wondering, no, he did know what the slang term “Santorum” meant in, uh, certain circles. We filled him in (and, to be honest, felt a little inappropriate in doing so). He chuckled nervously, then turned his attention back to the road.

Finally, traffic started moving and he was off.

And now a silly video.

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